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Girl:
I see.
I feel.
I walk.
I lived.
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Flamboyance.
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writing is inspired by, inspirations?somehow, they attacked me while my brain was shut earlier on n also while i was bathing. but now, as i sat in front of a com trying to channel them out, they seem to have abandoned me.alot like ppl i guessed.but anyway, today is nt abt tt. today my inspiration is from the "conversation" i had with my dad earlier on. he came to look for me just when i left my hse n i decided to look for him aft tt out of guilt.our conversations were always the same, just like the ones i've with my mum though not exactly similar.the ones i had with my mum were always nearer to a time bomb than anything in the world. we haven't been on good terms since when i was 14? always quarrelling n the cold war n then the close to patching n finally, the quarrelling again.life is a cycle.so how different is tt of the conversation i had with my dad? well, it's usually more peaceful without the quarrels but equally destructive in my life as both has the effect of ruining my mood.my dad has the habit of going on long speeches of philosophical stuffs such as the beauty of thrift etc, n it's no diff over the phone. just tt perhaps, i can put the phone aside until my intuition says otherwise so tt half the time i ain't really listening but when we r face to face, u can't.but over today's conversation i realised tt wat tony parsons said in his book- one for my wife, abt the difficulties of being apart from his son. it says tt the parent will always feel diff when they are living apart from their children cos they have lost the convenience of seeing n sharing each other's life as n when they felt like it. furthermore, the child (referring to myself) will also lose the ability to emphatise with the adult, in this case my dad.just like when my mum was living outside, i dreaded c-ing her n listening to her miseries even though deep down i can understand wat she's gg through. n now, the same thing is happening towards my attitude of my dad. one person whom i thot impossible to happen cos he was the only one who did nt "desert" me during the "Cold War" era i had with my family.for one, i m very amazed that through all the things tt has happened in this chao-tic cum quarrelsome family of mine, i've act evolved to b a v homely girl which i credit to the lack of it in this life of mine.then again, this little head of mine is beginning to rmb wat tony parsons wrote in his other book- "one for my boy". the story was how this girl from a broken family gave up all her ambitions to marry the guy of her dreams thinking the guy will provide her with her the familiness she missed out only to find out tt he ended up cheating on her.wonder if the same will happen to me in future? all eager to marry the person with the oh-so-perfect family hoping tt he will help carve a model for our family only to b crushed in the end?ok, tt was too far ahead. but still, i can't help but wonder wat's it like to have loving parents like tt of everyone else n the desire continues.
♥ 11:56 PM