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Girl:
I see.
I feel.
I walk.
I lived.
This layout is done by
Flamboyance.
Code references from
Missyan.
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life has been revolving ard satan for the longest period of time. most of the time i m happy, but every now n then when some clock tick inside me (sometimes winded by me, n soometimes kicked in by others) n the little drawer containing emo-bugs come attacking me.these bugs are obstacles that have surfaced in my life, those which have passed but for some reason or another, the way to which to overcome it seems to have eluded me. n it bothers me, bothers me to the core because it's hindering my process of finding inner peace. generations of psychologists has always prescribe the medication of "sharing the trouble" as the cure to troubles, or at least halved it.however in my case, as in the case of many of the troubled souls on this piece of earth, we hold a strong belief tt no 1 else other than ourselves can truly understand n emphatise with our feelings. n if tt's the case, y put others n urself in an awkward and difficult spot? which is y, to this day, i've refused to mention this issue in any form thinking it will fade with time, but it doesn't. it still comes back n stab me everytime i m hurt.n suddenly i've this amusing thought: if anyone of the pro-suicide community reads abt this, i'll probably b on the news tmr with a split head n dead. mayb a little less gory. it is amusing simply because how would they noe that i m immune to suicides ever since i was wat? 14?therefore, i laugh at the thought of me jumping off a building simply cos i cannot seek the inner peace.i look at all the above n conclude: i m tired. still, i'll nt let this emotions rest.friends. most ppl i noe spend half their time concluding who's their best fren n who's allowed into their little circle near the heart. often i find it ridiculous because i've known for a fact since p6 tt the harder u try to keep someone by ur side, or label them with ANY term of endearment such as bestie, the faster they slip through ur fingers.i still rmb her name, yuying. i still rmb her efforts. i still rmb her tears. now a stranger.n her*, there were no tears, there were no efforts, there were no tears. still a fren.n her**, forever i'll rmb her. rmb her for giving me the best days of my life, yet i feel so helpless when she's in need of help n consolation.n now the "no tears" ppl seem to b harder to keep to. it's easy when u were JUST frens. but when u start to know, but not understand, it gets harder. frenships are just about the hardest to keep, u can't just break it off like a rlsp.suddenly, i wanna b alone. i wan the world to forget my existence. to forget that i act existed and forget the need to pretend i did.suddenly, my only birthday wish this yr is tt no one rmbs to wish me "Happy Birthday".suddenly, i hope that i can just disappear till it's over...the "isolated" me is back. just like the past.so, wat makes the past a better place?minus the complexity.
♥ 1:05 AM