the story is a very sad one, do take 10mins to read it though it's a little long. made me cried like a crazy girl.
told u i was too emotional.
>>
>>Just two years after our marriage, hubby brought up the idea of asking
>>Mother to move from the rural hometown and spend her remaining years with
>>us. Hubby's father passed away while he was still very young. Mother
>>endured
>>much hardship and struggled all on her own to provide for him, see him
>>through to a university degree. You could say that she suffered a great
>>deal
>>and did everything you could expect of a woman to bring hubby to where he
>>is
>>today.
>>
>>I immediately agreed and started packing the spare room, which has a
>>balcony
>>facing the South to let her enjoy the sunshine and plant some greeneries.
>>Hubby stood in the bright room, and suddenly just picked me up and started
>>spinning round and round. As I begged him to put me down, he said: "Lets
>>go
>>fetch mother."
>>
>>Hubby is tall and big sized and I love to rest on his chest and enjoy the
>>feeling that he could pick me up at any moment put the tiny me into his
>>pockets. And whenever we have an argument and both refuses to back down,
>>he
>>would pick me up and spin me over his head continuously until I surrender
>>and beg for mercy. I became addicted to this kind of panic-joy feeling.
>>
>>Mother brought along her countryside habits and lifestyle with her. For
>>example; I am so used to buying flowers to decorate the living room, she
>>could not stand it and would comment: "I do not know how you young people
>>spend your money, why do you buy flowers for? You also can't eat the
>>flowers!" I smiled and said: "Mum, with flowers in the house, our mood
>>will
>>also become better." Mother continues to grumble away, and hubby smiled:
>>"Mum, this is a city-people's habit; slowly you will get use to it."
>>
>>Mother stopped saying anything. But every time thereafter, whenever I came
>>home with flowers, she would ask me how much it costs. I told her and she
>>would shake her head and express displeasure. Sometimes, when I come home
>>with lots of shopping bags, she would ask each and every item how much
>>they
>>cost, and I would tell her honestly and she would get even more upset
>>about
>>it.
>>
>>Hubby playfully pinched my nose and said: "You little fool, just don't
>>tell
>>her the full price of everything would solve it." There begins the
>>friction
>>to our otherwise happy lifestyle.
>>
>>Mother hates it most when hubby wakes up early to prepare the breakfast.
>>In
>>your view, how could the man of the house cook for the wife? At the
>>breakfast table, mother's facial expression is always like the dark clouds
>>before a thunderstorm and I would pretend not to notice. She would use her
>>chopsticks and make a lot of noise with it as her silent protest.
>>
>>As I am a dance teacher in the Children's Palace and is exhausted from a
>>long day of dancing around, I do not wish to give up the luxury of that
>>additional few minutes in the comfort of my bed and hence I turned a deaf
>>ear to all the protest mother makes.
>>
>>From time to time, mother would help out with some housework, but soon her
>>help created additional work for me. For example: she would keep all kinds
>>of plastic bags accumulating them so that she sell them later on, and that
>>resulted in our house being filled with all the trash bags; she would
>>scrimp
>>on dish washing detergent when helping to wash the dishes and so as not to
>>hurt her feelings, I would quietly wash them again.
>>
>>One day, late at night, mother saw me quietly washing the dishes, and
>>"Bam"
>>she slammed her bedroom door and cried very loudly in her room. Hubby was
>>placed in a difficult position, and after that, he did not speak to me for
>>that entire night. I pretended to be a spoilt child, tried acting cute,
>>but
>>he totally ignored me. I got mad and asked him: "What did I do wrong?"
>>Hubby
>>stared at me and said: "Can't you just give in to her once? We couldn't
>>possibly die eating from a bowl however unclean it is, right?"
>>
>>After that incident, for a long period of time, mother did not speak to me
>>and you can feel that there is a very awkward feeling hanging in the
>>house.
>>During that period of cold war, hubby was caught in dilemma as to who to
>>please.
>>
>>In order to stop her son from having to prepare breakfast, mother took on
>>the "all important" task of preparing breakfast without any prompting. At
>>the breakfast table, mother would look at hubby happily eating his
>>breakfast
>>and cast that reprimanding stare at me for having failed to perform my
>>duty
>>as a wife. To avoid the embarrassing breakfast situation, I resorted to
>>buying my own breakfast on my way to work.
>>
>>That night, while in bed, hubby was a little upset and asked me:"LD, is it
>>because you think that mum's cooking is not clean that's why you chose not
>>to eat at home?" He then turned his back on me and left me alone in tears
>>as
>>feelings of unfairness overwhelmed me. After some time, hubby sighed:"LD,
>>just for me, can you have breakfast at home?" I am left with no choice but
>>to return to the breakfast table.
>>
>>The next morning, I was having porridge prepared by mother and I felt a
>>sudden churn in my stomach and everything inside seem to be rushing up my
>>throat. I tried to suppress the urge to throw up but I couldn't. I threw
>>down the bowl and rushed into the washroom and vomited everything out. And
>>just as I was catching my breath, I saw mother crying and grumbling very
>>loudly in her dialect, hubby was standing at the washroom doorway staring
>>at
>>me with fire burning in his eyes. I opened my mouth but no words came out
>>of
>>it, I really didn't mean it.
>>
>>We had our very first big fight that day; mother took a look at us, then
>>stood up and slowly made her way out of the house. Hubby gave me a final
>>stare in the eye and followed mother down the stairs. For three days,
>>hubby
>>did not return home, not even a phone call.
>>
>>I was so furious, since mother arrived; I had been trying my best and
>>putting up with her, what else do you want me to do? For no reason, I keep
>>having the feeling to throw up and I simply have no appetite for food,
>>coupled with all the events happening at home, I was at the low point in
>>my
>>life. Finally, a colleague said: "LD, you look terrible, you should go and
>>see a doctor."
>>
>>The doctor confirmed that I am pregnant. Now it became clear to me why I
>>threw up that fateful morning, a sense of sadness floated through that
>>otherwise happy news. Why didn't hubby, and mother who had been through
>>this
>>before, thought of the possibility of this being the reason that day?
>>
>>At the hospital entrance, I saw my hubby standing there. It had only been
>>three days, but he looked haggard. I had wanted to turn and leave, but one
>>look at him and my heart soften, I couldn't resist and called out to him.
>>
>>He followed my voice and finally found me but he pretended that he doesn't
>>know me; he has that disgusted look in his eyes that cut right through my
>>heart. I told myself not to look at him anymore, and hail a cab.
>>
>>At that moment, I have such a strong urge inside me to shout to my
>>hubby:"Darling, I am having your baby!", and to have him lift me up and
>>spin
>>me round in circles of joy. What I wanted didn't happen and as I sat in
>>the
>>cab, my tears started rolling down. Why? Why our love couldn't even
>>withstand the test of one fight? Back home, I lay on the bed thinking
>>about
>>my hubby, and the disgusted look in his eyes. I cried and wet the corner
>>of
>>the blanket.
>>
>>That night, sound of the drawers opening woke me up. I switched on the
>>lights and I saw hubby with tears rolling down his face. He was removing
>>the
>>money. I stared at him in silence; he ignored me, took the bank deposit
>>book
>>and some money and left the house. Maybe he really intends to leave me for
>>good. What a rational man, so clear-cut in love and money matters. I gave
>>a
>>few dried laugh and tears starting streaming down again.
>>
>>The next day, I did not go to work. I wanted to clear this out and have a
>>good talk with hubby. I reached his office and his secretary gave me a
>>weird
>>look and said:"Mr. Tan's mother had a traffic accident and is now in the
>>hospital." I stood there in shock. I rushed to the hospital and by the
>>time
>>I found hubby, mother had already passed away. Hubby did not look at me,
>>his
>>face was expressionless.
>>
>>I looked at mother's pale white and thin face and I couldn't control the
>>tears in my eyes. My god, how could this happen? Throughout the funeral,
>>hubby did say a single word to me, with only the occasional disgusted
>>stare
>>at me. I only managed to find out brief facts about the accident from
>>other
>>people.That day, after mother left the house, she walked in dazed towards
>>the bus stop, apparently intending to go back to her old house back in the
>>countryside.As hubby ran after her, she tried to walk faster and as she
>>tried to cross the street, a public bus came and hit her...I finally
>>understood how much hubby must hate me, if I had not thrown up that
>>morning,
>>if we had not quarrelled, if... In his heart, I am indirectly the killer
>>of
>>his mother.
>>
>>Hubby moved into mother's room and came home every night with a strong
>>liquor smell on him. And me, I am buried under the guilt and self pity and
>>could hardly breathe. I wanted to explain to him, tell him that we are
>>going
>>to have our baby soon, but each time, I saw the dead look in his eyes, all
>>the words I have at the brink of my mouth just fell back in. I had rather
>>he
>>hit me real hard or give me a big and thorough scolding though none of
>>these
>>events happening had been my fault at all.
>>
>>Many days of suffocating silence went by and as the days went by, hubby
>>came
>>home later and later. The deadlock between us continues, we were living
>>together like strangers who don't know each other. I am like the dead knot
>>in his heart.
>>
>>One day, I passed by a western restaurant, looking into the glass window,
>>I
>>saw hubby and a girl I didn't know sitting facing each other and he very
>>lightly brushed her hair for her, I understood what it meant. After
>>recovering from that moment of shock, I entered the restaurant, stood in
>>front of my hubby and stared hard at him, not a tear in my eyes. I have
>>nothing to say to him, and there is no need to say anything. The girl
>>looked
>>at me, looks at hubby, stands up and wanted to go, hubby stretched out his
>>hand and stopped her. He stared back at me, challenging me. I can only
>>hear
>>my slow heart beat, beating, one by one as if at the brink of death. I
>>eventually backed down, if I had stood that any longer, I will collapse
>>together with the baby inside me.
>>
>>That night, he did not come home, he had chosen to use that as a way to
>>indicate to me. Following mother's death so did our love for each other.
>>He
>>did not come home anymore after that. Sometimes, when I returned home from
>>work, I can tell that the cupboard had been touched - he had returned to
>>take some of his stuff.
>>
>>I no longer wish to call him; the initial desire to explain everything to
>>him had vanished. I lived alone; I go for my medical checkups alone, my
>>heart breaks again and again every time I see a guy carefully helping his
>>wife through the physical examination. My office colleagues hinted to me
>>to
>>consider aborting the baby, I told them,"No, I will not." I insisted on
>>having this baby, perhaps it is my way of repaying mother for causing her
>>death.
>>
>>One day, I came home and I saw hubby sitting in the living room. The whole
>>house was filled with cigarette smoke. On the coffee table, there was this
>>piece of paper. I know what it is all about without even looking at it.
>>
>>In the two months plus of living alone, I have gradually learned to find
>>peace within myself. I looked at him, removed my hat and said: "You wait
>>for
>>a while, I will sign." He looked at me, mixed feelings in his eyes, just
>>like mine. As I hang up my coat, I keep repeating to myself "You cannot
>>cry,
>>you cannot cry..." my eyes hurt terribly, but I refused to let tears come
>>out from there.
>>
>>After I hung up my coat, hubby's eyes stared fixed at my bulging tummy. I
>>smiled, walked over to the coffee table and pull the paper towards me.
>>Without even looking at what it says, I signed my name on it and pushed
>>the
>>paper to him.
>>
>>"LD, you are pregnant?" Since mother's accident, this is the first time he
>>spoke to me. I could not control my tears any further and they fell like
>>raindrops. I said: "Yes, but its ok, you can leave now." He did not go, in
>>the dark, we sat, facing each other. Hubby slowly moved over me, his tears
>>wet the blanket. In my heart, everything seems so far away,so far that
>>even
>>if I sprint, I could never reach them. I cannot remember how many times he
>>repeated "sorry" to me. I had really originally thought that I would
>>forgive
>>him, but now I can't.
>>
>>In the western restaurant, in front of that girl, that cold look in his
>>eyes, I will never forget, ever. We have drawn such deep scars in each
>>other's heart. For me, its unintentional; for him, totally intentional. I
>>had been waiting for this moment of reconciliation, but I realized
>>now,what
>>had gone past is gone forever and could not repeated. Other than the
>>thought
>>of the baby inside me that would bring some warmth to my heart, I am
>>totally
>>cold towards him, I no longer eat anything he buys for me, I don't take
>>any
>>presents from him and I stopped talking to him.
>>
>>From the moment I signed on that piece of paper, marriage and love had
>>vanished from my heart. Sometimes, hubby will try to come into the
>>bedroom,
>>but when he walks in, I will walk out to the living room. He had no choice
>>but to sleep in mother's room.
>>
>>At night, from his room, I can hear light sounds of groaning, I kept
>>quiet.
>>This used to be his trick; last time, whenever I ignore him, he would fake
>>illness and I will surrender and find out what is wrong with him, he would
>>then grab me and laugh. He has forgotten that last time; I cared for him
>>and
>>am concerned because there is love, but now, what is there between us?
>>
>>Hubby's groaning came on and off continuing all the way till baby was
>>born.
>>Almost everyday, he would buy something for the baby, infant products,
>>children products and books that kids like to read. Bags and bags of it
>>stacked inside his room till it is full. I know he is trying to use this
>>to
>>reach out to me,but I am no longer moved by his actions. He has no choice
>>but to lock himself in his room and I can hear his typing away on his
>>computer keyboard, maybe he is now addicted to web surfing,
but none
>>of
>>that matters to me anymore.
>>
>>It was sometime towards the end of spring in the following year, one late
>>night, I screamed because of a sudden stomach pain, hubby came rushing
>>into
>>the room, it is like he did not change and sleep, and had been waiting for
>>this moment. He carried me and ran down the stairs, stopped a car, holding
>>my hand very tightly and kept wiping the sweat off my brows, throughout
>>the
>>journey to the hospital.
>>
>>Once we reached the hospital, he carried me and hurried into the delivery
>>suite. Lying on the back of his skinny but warmth body, a thought crossed
>>my
>>mind: In my lifetime, who else would love me as much as he did? He held
>>the
>>delivery suite door opened and watch me go in, his warm eyes caused me to
>>manage a smile at him despite my contraction pain.
>>
>>Coming out of the delivery room, hubby looked at our son, and me, his eyes
>>teared with joy and he kept smiling. I reached out and touched his hand.
>>Hubby looked at me, smiling and then he slowly collapsed onto the floor. I
>>cried out for him in pain... He smiled, but without opening that tired
>>eyes
>>of his. I had thought that I would never shed any tears for him, but the
>>truth is, I have never felt a deeper pain cutting through my body at that
>>moment.
>>
>>Doctor said that by the time hubby discovered he had liver cancer, it was
>>already in terminal stage and it was a miracle that he managed to last
>>this
>>long. I asked the doctor when did he first discover he had cancer? Doctor
>>said about 5 months ago and consoled me saying: "Prepare for his funeral."
>>I
>>disregarded the nurse's objection and rushed home, I went into his room
>>and
>>checked his computer, and a suffocating pain hits me.
>>
>>Hubby's cancer was discovered 5 months ago, his groaning was real, and I
>>had
>>thought that... the computer showed over 200 thousand words he wrote for
>>our
>>son:"Son, just for you, I have persisted, to be able to take a look at you
>>before I fall, is my biggest wish now.... I know that in your life, you
>>will
>>have many happiness and maybe some setbacks, if only I can accompany you
>>throughout that journey, how nice would it be. But daddy now no longer has
>>that chance. Daddy has written inside here all the possible difficulties
>>and
>>problems you may encounter during your lifetime, when you meet with these
>>problems, you can refer to daddy's suggestions...
>>Son, after writing these 200 thousand words, I feel as if I have
>>accompanied
>>you throughout your life journey. And to be honest, daddy is very happy.
>>Do
>>love your mother, she has suffered, she is the one who loves you most and
>>also the one who loves me most..." From play school to primary school, to
>>secondary, university, to work and even in dealing with questions of love,
>>everything big and small was written there.
>>
>>Hubby has also written a letter for me: "My dear, to marry you is my
>>biggest
>>happiness, forgive me for the pain I have caused you, forgive me for not
>>telling you my illness, because I want to see you be in a joyful mood
>>waiting for the arrival of our baby... My dear, if you cried, it means
>>that
>>you have forgiven me and I would smile, thank you for loving me... These
>>presents, I'm afraid I cannot give them to our son personally, could you
>>help me to give some of them to him every year, the dates on what to give
>>are all written on the packaging..."
>>
>>Going back to the hospital, hubby is still in coma. I brought our son over
>>and place him beside him. I said: "Open your eyes and smile, I want our
>>son
>>to remember being in the warmth of your arms..."
>>
>>He struggled to open his eyes and managed a weak smile. Our son still in
>>his
>>arms was happily waving his tiny hands in the air. I press the button on
>>the
>>camera and the sound of the shutter rang through the air as tears slowly
>>rolled down my face...
>>
>>A fatal misunderstanding and the person who love me the most in this world
>>is gone forever.
>>
>>The end...
