i had 3 songs in mind when i decided to blog. but this song is more apt for describing how i feel today.

i'll leave the other 2 songs on days where i dun have work the next day.

here goes:

"As life goes on I'm starting to learn more and more about responsibility
I realize everything I do is affecting the people around me
So I want to take this time out and apologize for things I have done
And things that have not occurred yet
And the things they don't want to take responsibility for............................"

today was actually supposed to b a GREAT day cos i spent the whole day painting (one side) of my wall n all the room doors -- with my dad. we painted only one side of the wall cos it was ugliest cos i had recycled my sis's yellow paint a few yrs back n it ran out just as i was painting tt last bit. n the doors was cos y dad was too stingy on getting painted ones when he bought the doors n he nv really gotten down to painting it till today.

so my hands are like totally numb from all the painting n scraping even after my dad left. he was laughing at my slow progress in painting my wall, only to realise tt his "kitchen" responsibility was much much worst.

lesson learnt?

NEVER NEGLECT UR KITCHEN FOR 20 YEARS.

i swear the paint dun stick at all. plus the grit is just so huge tt u (tt was ME today) will have a hard time cleaning.

"I'm sorry for the fact that I did not know
That you were sitting home just wishing we
Could go back to when it was just you and me
I'm sorry for the times I would neglect
I'm sorry for the times I disrespect"

anyway, the worst part wasn't the cleaning. it was when we came home from dinner at 9 n my mum was already home. if u dun already noe the history, den dun bother. anyway my mum was SUPER upset at traces of my dad's presence n even more so upon seeing HIM.

so i was subjected to the usual wateva u call it. it's kinda weird hearing ur own mum saying tt her biggest worry if she were to meet with an accident would be "goodygoody". of which i naturally responded tt she could leave a will with all her assets in *her name. of cos i din add tt i would b perfectly fine with surviving with my own keep (in the future).

anyway it ended with her saying tt "goodygoody" was nt her only worry. (neither are we). anyway her other worry is tt her debtors would suffer if she were to die.

how ironic?

seriously, i m like way past the stage to b bothered over these stuffs. if only she would also stop being jealous of the easy companionship we have with our dad.

"I understand that there are some problems
And I am not too blind to know
All the pain you kept inside you
Even though you might not show
If I can apologize for being wrong
Then it's just a shame on me
I'll be the reason for your pain and you can put the blame on me................."

so by now you shld already b able to guess y i chose n dedicate this song to both myself n my mum for the pain we inflicted on each other. n even though she will nv c the reason behind y we do the things we do, i m really sorry tt her life turned out this way n even sorrier tt they had to marry each other.

"Sorry for the things that he put you through
And all the times you didn't know what to do
Sorry that you had to go and sell those packs
Just trying to stay busy till you heard from Dad (us)
And you would rather be home with all your kids
As one big family with love and bliss"

n of cos, i hope my kids won't turn out like me n tt i will nt b a mum like mine. i wouldn't mind a husband like my dad just tt preferably the kids will b ignorant of certain "stuffs". cos my dad really noes alot of stuffs. n he's my inspiration for many things such as taking class 2B n 4.

i love my dad hell loads.