i rmb the day when my friend told me she felt that i kept my feelings too much to myself and i also rmb the day another said i was "guarded" with my feelings.

that was a few months back and i have to admit that at that point in time i was surprised because you don't have to know me very well to know tt my wpm is abnormally high. in the end though, i couldn't help but admit they were quite right.

somehow, i can't and dunno how to say certain things. in fact, i realise tt very often the things i mention abt myself lack substance and i even catch myself looking rather awkward a couple of times when faced with qns. and it's really not that i mind ppl knowing that much abt me, but rather the incapability of saying it.

upon further examination, i also realised that ppl who see through expressions stresses me out quite alot because there is this intense need for me to have the informational advantage on myself, imposed over myself.


i m writing this at 5am cos it bugs me sometimes, n now happens to be one of those "sometimes" tt it's bugging me because i feel it's detrimental in the long term as you cannot get help in times of need when you dun even cry for help in the first place.


m i sounding like one of the many posts where i m trying to change who i m fundamentally again?

♥ 4:50 AM