HG's page

closings and new beginnings

2012-01-02T19:50:00.003+08:00

finally comes the time of the year again where ppl celebrate the festivities and celebrate the year that has passed, keeping the good memories and throwing again the bad.

this is also the time of the year where ppl make their NEW YEAR RESOLUTIONS as well as their REFLECTIONS on the past year.

last nite someone asked for new year resolutions at a party and the answer was a swift "HAVE SEX", albeit in a drunken state. =) drunk words aside, i think the end-of-year/new year entry is always good because when you look back, you'll know the milestones you have accomplished and what nots and what else to try harder for in the new year.

so here goes.

looking back at 2011, it started after a quiet countdown at a hotel lounge in Sentosa with just 2 other ppl. quiet and small but somehow there's a unique quietness that i do enjoy. i rmb looking back at 2010 and wondered what i have done in the past year and i could still rmb that vivid sadness that struck me when i realised i din do very much. during the quiet exchange of resolutions, i made 2 simple wishes, to clear my debts and to pay for my mum's taiwan trip which i m proud to announce i finally managed to clear the former.

i suppose alot of the sadness i carried from 2010 affected much of how i led my life in 2011, i strived to accomplish many things and i will list them out later so that i won't feel like i have wasted alot of money and some of them i m really proud of are marked (*) and i will go on to give myself a pat on the shoulder aft each of them, literally.

1) Pole dancing: i m not proficient but if you give me a pole, i promise i will try a performance and it is something i had wanted to learn for a long long time.(*)

2) Bahasa Indonesia: i also happen to realise i m in fact a language enthusiast this yr but again, i learnt it cos it seems pretty useful but i still can't speak much of the language other than a few simple words. Determined to take level 2 this yr!

3) Choc making workshop: erm good attempt, mayb i'll try making it SOMEDAY?

4) Diving: obtaining my diving certification had really been the highlight of my year and i hope that in years to come, i'll still rmb that 2011 was the awesome year i became PADI certified, in CEBU no less made it all the more awesome! (*****)

5) Korean: this has been a language i've been wanting to learn for the past many many years (at least 5) and i've bought most of the supplementary from bookstores, downloaded podcasts and failed through my own procrastination. Other than diving, taking the final leap to take up Korean classes ALONE was no easy feat, and definitely the 2nd best highlight of the year! (****)

6) Braces: again something which i had wanted to do since sec sch, it makes me broke every mth but i strongly believe it's money well spent, aftall 10 years is alot of time for careful thought! putting braces also dev my strange fetish of checking out my teeth every other moment just to see if it moved! (***)

7) IPL: out of randomness, i finally overcomed my fear of the rumored pain and went for my virgin brazilian wax which also resulted in me spending a few thousands on the IPL but there is absolutely no regret, gg brazilian is definitely one of the best discovery of 2011 and something i would strongly recommend to all my frens! (****)

8) S2: on the last day of the year, i finally put my heart down and said goodbye to my S. there was a kind a sadness when i did the factory restore as i attach a kind of special emotion to my phone. but i can now lauch whatsapp without any delay.=) (*)

9) Motorbiked in krabi: more than a yr after getting my 2B licence, i finally rode a bike with a pillion no less all across krabi. it was great fun and adventure, no doubt somewhat dangerous which is why i included point 10! (****)

10) Safe: i've had quite my share of dangerous driving and threatening situations on the road, and i would really like to just count my blessings for whichever god which has blessed with safety for the past year as i do each time i safely arrive in the carpark. (*****)

sometime when i was constructing this post in my head, it did occur to me that though i managed to accomplish many milestones this year but i m still not happy and it got me thinking of what do i want in 2012. now looking at the list above, i do feel a sense of achievement and happiness and i suppose it hadn't been a bad year.

and through the year i've also learnt that working is tough, but it is impt that you like your job enough and it has to suit your character. other factors such as environment and pay etc do matter, but even when job hunting, dun just settle for sth just cos the pay is high, make sure it matches your character because only then will you excel and be happy with what you do.

for 2012, the things i wan are again simple and i hope i dun end up with too long a list eventually.

1) to be happier
2) to be less critical
3) to treat my family better

and the 2 goals i set myself with the top priority being what i failed this yr, to pay for my mum's tw trip and secondly to save some money!

deepavali moments

2011-10-27T00:12:00.003+08:00

today had been a great day, leisurely fly a kite on a not too bad weather with one of my closest friends.

i came home, took a nap, and the day turned too.

my sis was upset that that i overslept and did not accompany her out as promised, and my brother shared a small portion of his life which never fails to disturb me and i get worried as this little "badness" if neglected will only get more and more severe.

will there come a day when it really become too late?

recently i had not been the happiest, struggling with those moments in life and facing the ugly side that i had come to recognise and yet unable to to reconcile. sometimes it surfaces and i brood over how i should go about changing things while there are other times where it simply laid ignored.

it set me thinking about new year resolutions and the meaning of family.

it strikes me particularly hard especially as the year is drawing to an end because i vividly remembered how upset i was last year at how little mildstones i had accomplished over the year and i look back at how this year had passed and i know that when the year closes, i would have quite a nice list as compared to last year.

the problem is, i still am not happy.

i now have a list of accomplishments for year 2011, but i realised that when it came to my family, i have been more than selfish. i can't help but ask myself wat have i done for each and everyone of this group of people, whom i may not be the closest to, but definitely more important than anything in my life.

to my aging parents, to my sister and to my brother.

i wished i could do more for them but i did less than wat i could have done. it hurts because i strived to do so many things this year, learn so many things and accumulated so many new experiences but i have failed to notice that i should have spent more on them than anybody and/or anything else.

the things i tried to change, the way i am unable to.

two months left and i will definitely try to do whatever i can to improve things. hopefully, when the year ends, i'll be able to appraise myself and be happy with the results i have achieved.

and they say deepavali is the festival of lights, hope this light can brighten up a portion of my life and lead me somewhere.

on life planning.

2011-09-11T22:28:00.003+08:00

today my friend asked me about my plans over ice cream.

i dun like it when ppl ask me that.

the answer is simple, i have no plans and i m not one to live by plans. the only plans i create are merely used for breaking.

i planned to NOT travel anymore this year.

i failed.

i dun like it when ppl ask, because i know too well that it's not right to not have plans. everybody needs to have a plan. RIGHT?

i suppose the saddest thing abt life is that we visualise how life would be when we "grow up", and then we do grow up and realise how vastly different it is from how we thought it would be. or mayb just mayb, that happens only to people who dun stick to their plans while those who do are probably leading the lives they have dreamed of?

ultimately at the end of the day, it's what you want in life. sticking to your plans is hard work, but it's probably gonna get you where you want to be. since now i m grown up, i can only continue to think abt the kind of life i want when i "grow old" and hopefully i won't grow old half as fast as i grew up.

thinking is hard work too.

i think i wanna go somewhere.

2011-09-03T02:32:00.001+08:00

i think i wanna go somewhere.

i will read and i will write.
i will walk and document it all.

i will take some pictures and think through somethings.

mayb i could sew or i could learn to draw.

will i?

i think i wanna go somewhere.

losing control.

2011-08-10T00:11:00.002+08:00

i feel like i m losing control of my life.

something abt me....

2011-01-23T04:50:00.004+08:00

i rmb the day when my friend told me she felt that i kept my feelings too much to myself and i also rmb the day another said i was "guarded" with my feelings.

that was a few months back and i have to admit that at that point in time i was surprised because you don't have to know me very well to know tt my wpm is abnormally high. in the end though, i couldn't help but admit they were quite right.

somehow, i can't and dunno how to say certain things. in fact, i realise tt very often the things i mention abt myself lack substance and i even catch myself looking rather awkward a couple of times when faced with qns. and it's really not that i mind ppl knowing that much abt me, but rather the incapability of saying it.

upon further examination, i also realised that ppl who see through expressions stresses me out quite alot because there is this intense need for me to have the informational advantage on myself, imposed over myself.

i m writing this at 5am cos it bugs me sometimes, n now happens to be one of those "sometimes" tt it's bugging me because i feel it's detrimental in the long term as you cannot get help in times of need when you dun even cry for help in the first place.

m i sounding like one of the many posts where i m trying to change who i m fundamentally again?

letting loose of a little pessimism

2011-01-19T00:06:00.003+08:00

was abt to ready for bedtime when i had the urge to revisit this long forsaken place. looking at the dashboard, i realised tt the last time i blogged was a good 2 3 mths ago?

the usual suspects such as time, work and what nots come up, and when i'm not meeting up with friends, i'll be working late in the office. no complains though, as this is the kind of life i yearn, just tt sometimes i can't help but feel the breakup then had truly been a blessing in disguise.

no doubt i've been spending way too many hours in the office, but i think the main reason i haven't really been blogging is the ability of twitter to update every event and emotion instantaneously tt we no longer have to write a story to share our lives. and honestly, blogging on a phone is kind of a chore, on top of the fact tt we all dun use our coms as much as we use to pre-smartphone era.

recently a spate of events took place too, and new stories are heard. sometimes i hear these stories and i wonder, the problematic gambler/abusive husband/estranged spouse was a loving bf too a long time ago and once upon a time, there was a time where marrying the man was the happiest day of your life.

then something changed. and everything changed. then that person you so happily married wasn't the same person anymore.

or maybe, you and i will be a different person then?

or mayb no one changes but one party suddenly departs?

but we'll nv noe will we?
only time will tell. will it be too late then?
we'll nv noe.

pessimistic. i noe.
but after all these, i wonder if i will still wanna get married in the future?

afterall, we pick and choose but at the end of the day, no one really noes what will happen at the end of the day until that day really comes?

randomness

2010-11-07T12:28:00.002+08:00

remember those days when you told me it felt like a dream come true just to be where we were? the fundamentals changed on that fateful day.

on relationships....

2010-10-21T18:01:00.002+08:00

the reason i sometimes dun say stuffs is because i m adverse to questions and contrary to popular belief, i m actually a private person, at times though.

so those in the know have heard the story though i dun think there is one person who has heard the full story so far, mostly due to my poor memory. wat i have not said is that i've repeated this story like a hundred times (figuratively) n each time i go back with a fresh stab of hurt. which in my opinion prob concludes that i still have a distance to where i want to be, however small.

have no doubt though that i m a happy person, no matter how weird it may sound, even to me. i feel that ultimately i m still me, and i feel like the same person, equally happy, attached or single, which IS peculiar to me because things aren't the same anymore.

through this post though, i simply wish to acknowledge to myself that a) i no longer have feelings for him anymore (this i m positive) b) i m still hurt from the abandonment which leads to c) i m afraid of moving on.

i think accepting is already one step closer to "nirvana" than anything and i have no qualms about repeating this story because i know that one day when i retell this very story, i will no longer feel what i feel now.

tomorrow.

2010-09-25T04:20:00.002+08:00

when the sun shines, i shine.
when darkness befalls, i fall.

when everything you used to believe seems distant.
when everything your eyes see becomes but a blur.

what happens then?

on fear

2010-09-11T16:59:00.003+08:00

after many days of stoning, i came to a sudden realisation that i may never become that kinda person that i've dreamt of every so often. however, with stoning also brings along a kind of tranquility that makes it really OKAY tt i m not that kinda person.

i think the essence of spending more time with yourself is ultimately self discovery, and thereby accepting wat u have discovered.

and now i can bravely announce that i m afraid; afraid that i won't have the courage of walking this lonely path, afraid of not being able to get used to it, and also afraid of the weak moments.

BUT i tell you, FUCK the withdrawal, for we will all emerge stronger. i m already embracing this life i lead.

afterall, a person only lives for so many days.

of dreams and life

2010-08-29T16:59:00.002+08:00

Recently i lost my job in a twisted kind of manner. Growing up from past experience, i decided that this is and will be a "beautiful goodbye".

Knowing midway that this is not what i wanted in life, i carried on with life, struggling to find the answers i needed. Now with the hiatus, i decided to use it as a temporary getaway to think about what i truly want in my life; career and love wise, for i finally see that i've let myself been lost way too long.

"What are my dreams?" I asked myself once too often. I have no dreams, and i remember a time when i used to "rob" my sister of her dreams, making her dreams mine too. When we were younger she wanted to be a gemologist, and that was wat i wanted too. Then there was another when she wanted to be an air stewardess.

When i was younger, i dreamt of being a veterinarian, only to realise that it was beyond me as my studies, especially the sciences, were never fantastic and the idea of needles and blood freaks me.

Vaguely i rmb telling my friends when i was older how i wanted to be a sex therapist, i still want to be one now, just that i have no idea how. Then one day, I will open my very own themed hotel.

For now, i guess i will continue to hunt for something i can make a living out of or if possible, fulfill my other long time dream of working in a bridal shop.

for myself.

2010-08-09T07:26:00.002+08:00

i think i have a thing for waking at 5 with insufficient sleep and it's annoying how it keeps happening.

i miss hk.
and i miss being outta singapore.
but of cos i miss singapore too when i m not here.

i think i m becoming more scorpioish.
and i hope i m.
but if u think u no longer know me, just remember that i m still me.

i need something.
i need to think.
i need an outlet.
i need to be out.

i need to do something extreme,
like going for a ride.

fucking sad!

2010-08-01T15:35:00.002+08:00

i wonder y i kp feeling sad these days...

it's depressing that i and not even celebrating a return trip from hk...

it always happens tt when excitement dies, all tt's left is emptiness...

i feel like i needa go chase a dream of which i dun even have any idea wat it is to begin with.

i feel like i could have been sth else but i dun even noe where to start!

now i m fucking depressed. m gonna go run!

where did the smiles go?

2010-07-05T01:14:00.002+08:00

i think there's a problem with me.
i also think that i might die soon.

END: the word to describe everything within or around me.

don't ask why, but everything has changed.
i changed.

it's sick, it's gross!
i think i m no longer the same person i was a year ago.

i think they call it "life fatigue".
symptoms include smiles that doesn't reach the skies.

and hell, no one believes i dun like to take pics anymore.

withering evolution.

2010-06-07T01:07:00.001+08:00

something is wrong with me i think.

acting all outta sorts...

mayb i m dying soon...

*drumrolls*

choy....

i think my quarter life crisis is back....

boos~

timecheck, selfcheck

2010-05-16T08:00:00.004+08:00

last time i checked, it was 5.38am.
i was up earlier than tt though, thinking abt BLOTTERS and code-less securities.
like seriously i need more slp for a weekend, it's nt like i slept at 11 or wat you know, and the sneaky fella had to crawl ard my floor like nobody's business.

nt tt i gave it much damn. n it's a ~~big~~ huge deal tt i actually ignored it you noe..........

i think i have a NEED to rattle.

quoted: just be yourself.

problem: i DUN LIKE to be myself. nt tt there's anything wrong with me, just tt there wld probably be havoc if i were to let myself go the way i wld. then there's another kind of person i'll like to be, the kind who blog their hearts out like no tomorrow (nt the kinda spammers if u noe wat i mean), but their strength, their talents and wateva else they seemingly have, is beyond me.

and tt sucks. it sucks more everytime i think abt it.
mayb i AM like tt down under, i just needa uncover it. ha-s

till then, let me be that coward who hides under my covers.

of ceremonies

2010-04-27T18:03:00.003+08:00

i dislike all ceremonies.
not the convocation, not even THE wedding.

there's another kinda ceremony tt i simply cannot dislike.
it messes with my character and makes me defy my innate reaction.
my usual neutrality towards religion suddenly takes a strong defence, and that sucks.

i dislike deviation.

courage

2010-04-11T00:50:00.002+08:00

she's got a great personality.
she shines through her words.
and it's one thing i yearn to be.

and these men,
they dun love her as she so deserve.
i suppose they are just too blind.

other than this invisible support, there is nothing else i can do.
for i m not like her, not at all.

n i can only hide, and run.

i dig holes and bury.
the ambiguity is my armor.
i m one coward on the block.

my toy....

2010-04-06T23:27:00.002+08:00

cnet: "it's the one device that you won't need, but you know you want it."

omy, how i agree with cnet.
so much so that i won't hear of any disagreement.
it's the ONE toy i want so so so badly, but against all my rationalities.

well well after much hesistance, the conclusion is that i shall WAIT for the next gen unless the 1st gen has enough freebies to entice me.

oh god, pls dun let the soul be enticed~

the shrill of silence.

2010-04-04T01:59:00.002+08:00

it happens sometimes.

the silence after the sounds of laughter subside is deafening.

i dun like it, but tt doesn't mean the smiles aren't genuine.

i m not emo-ing, this is just the other side you don't see.

say hello.

to a friend....

2010-03-16T00:20:00.002+08:00

hello you.

i like it tt your mummy trust you so much now...

are you gonna leave a day for me to celebrate your birthday?

i m putting this here so you know i miss you, let's go USS!

ps, i believe tt as long as you have put forward your best foot, the silver lining will always be there waiting.

just one last time!

holiday dreams~

2010-03-11T01:50:00.001+08:00

krabikrabikrabikrabikrabikrabikrabikrabikrabikrabikrabikrabikrabikrabikrabikrabikrabikrabi
krabikrabikrabikrabikrabikrabikrabikrabikrabikrabikrabikrabikrabikrabikrabikrabikrabikrabi
krabikrabikrabikrabikrabikrabikrabikrabikrabikrabikrabikrabikrabikrabikrabikrabikrabikrabi
krabikrabikrabikrabikrabikrabikrabikrabikrabikrabikrabikrabikrabikrabikrabikrabikrabikrabi
krabikrabikrabikrabikrabikrabikrabikrabikrabikrabikrabikrabikrabikrabikrabikrabikrabikrabi
krabikrabikrabikrabikrabikrabikrabikrabikrabikrabikrabikrabikrabikrabikrabikrabikrabikrabi
krabikrabikrabikrabikrabikrabikrabikrabikrabikrabikrabikrabikrabikrabikrabikrabikrabikrabi
krabikrabikrabikrabikrabikrabikrabikrabikrabikrabikrabikrabikrabikrabikrabikrabikrabikrabi
taipeitaipeitaipeitaipeitaipeitaipeitaipeitaipeitaipeitaipeitaipeitaipeitaipeitaipeitaipei
krabikrabikrabikrabikrabikrabikrabikrabikrabikrabikrabikrabikrabikrabikrabikrabikrabikrabi

the girl behind that glass...

2010-03-06T03:16:00.001+08:00

the girl behind that glass

behind tt glass sits a girl whose beauty seems vague,
u pause and wait
but would your patience last, she asks.

through the glass of time,
you see the scars that mark her soul,
the flame of passion quickly burns,
the ashes lay the path of departure.

and through that glassy facade she asks, would your patience last?

show me the money....

2010-03-04T16:11:00.003+08:00

f***.

tt's the only word tt came to mind when i saw my account balance.

now i totally do not wish to click "funds transfer to other POSB/DBS a/c" unless i have a death wish.
but do i have a choice?

*sobs*
n i know of a particular person who's prob gonna smirk abt the choice statement!

(btw can anyone tell me why do wallets empty so quick in the meantime?).
i'll probably survive on air for the next 10+ days (n no it's not eleven!).

yes u r right, i actually wenta count the number as i have counted it one too many times.
n yes u r still right, i m bad at money management.

i suck, so what.
bleahs i m sick, so i win.

byebye world for today!

sentimental on death...

2010-03-03T00:38:00.002+08:00

i think my emotions are fragile.

how i chance upon a a death entry i have no idea.

it makes me sad.

and i dun like it.

eventually, we forget.

but for those who lost, the pain lives.

a precious saturday~

2010-02-27T13:52:00.005+08:00

an action,
an affected emotion,
an infectious frustration.

= somethings =

2010-02-22T23:52:00.007+08:00

can't really remember wat i wanted to say again.
it always happens.
why.
mayb he's right.
mayb i a different person already.

it's not how i choose to be.
some times,
some things,
some experiences
just dun leave.

n it makes me afraid,
afraid that history will repeat.

i prob dun forgive myself that easily.

i suppose
at the end of the day,
i m still me
and some things just dun change.

quoted:

Forever young, I want to be forever young
Do you really want to live forever, forever and ever

Some are like water, some are like the heat
Some are a melody and some are the beat
Sooner or later they all will be gone
Why dont they stay young

So many adventures couldnt happen today
So many songs we forgot to play
So many dreams are swinging out of the blue
We let them come true

tell me, how do i make them all come true.
somethings make me sad. i suppose~

treasure the words...

2010-01-27T21:13:00.002+08:00

it's been long since i last visited.
are there even visitors now i wonder.
perhaps the bulk of the readers here are all but gossip mongers.

i suppose writing really does require practice aft all.
aft months of absence, i can't seem to fill this space anymore.
might not even be back, who knows.
blogging abt mundane stuffs suddenly seem too time consuming.

all i wish for these days is for time to give me a break and love those around me as they so deserve for being ard so long.

now i speak like a dying person.

solace

2009-10-19T23:10:00.003+08:00

solace required, huge doses preferred.

somebody offer me some much needed comfort. anyone.

i just blew a significant portion of my NEXT paycheque on sis's bday present n she din even open it on the spot as wld anyone upon receipt of a prezzie. n when she DID open it eventually(on the next day), she actually HIAM the size of the memory.

fyi, it was an itouch no less.
sure, it may nt b the most extravagant prezzie, but it sure is the most exp one i could afford alright. AND, it's sth i can't even bear to buy for myself mans.

sisters are INGRATE.

annoyance. bleahx

just a general observation

2009-10-05T23:02:00.002+08:00

ppl come n go.

some ppl leave footprints etched in our hearts while others are merely steps in sand, gone as easily as it forms.

i realise tt the ppl ard me always seem to changing, or is it cos i dun make an effort to make others stay? n if only u, all those who matters, noe just how much u mean to me.

then it's prob enough.

i guess the solemity of this entry was influenced by how i always feel tt ppl always offer their shoulder but nv stick long enough to get past much. we r always too absorbed in our own world n our own probs to offer our shoulder longer than the usual touch-n-go.

mayb tt's y many ppl prefer nt to even take the offer in the 1st place. aftall, how many ppl understand wat they are gg thru?

ps, i m nt emo.

on cooking...

2009-09-22T23:06:00.004+08:00

why do women cook?

for me at the very least, i guess it's the very fact tt it's now "IN" to look virtuous, even if it's only in my dictionary.

now, other than egg n instant noodles, i can add my fav TOM YAM soup to the list (though i guess it's still kinda instant).

n i must say, i m PROUD of myself....

working.

2009-09-21T17:15:00.002+08:00

working life is very different.

not a temp, not a part-timer but to be a perm staff means entirely diff things all tgt. mayb to many others it may b the same, but it feels like a gigantic step forward to take. unconsciously, i start reporting for work earlier than "me" style, i worry abt lunch kakis ( lunching alone seems much like a taboo), and i come to realise tt if i dun like it this time, i can't just run away.

alrights, tt's just the insecure me speaking. having start work for close to a mth, everything is still considered smooth without me trying to pull my hair out. the job is still considered interesting and fun in a way and i m settling in ok my frens, except for the fact tt i sometimes feel i m too stupid. i noe tt every1 makes mistakes now n then, i just wish i could make less of them to inconvenience others less and prob live longer in the company since it is such a good company and such an important piece of puzzle on where my life might lead.

then again, working has its perks. or cons as some would like to think. firstly, weekends become far more precious tt u'll (by which i mean me) try to make the most outta it. i have also gone back to my ways of spending money like water. n trust me, it's a very very bad habit, though one tt makes me extremely high.

i guess i've written enough paras to bore u guys long enough. but still, to those who are reading this, i miss u!!!

my lost sheep

2009-08-31T00:12:00.003+08:00

lost sheep is back.

these are the times i can't seem to stop thinking if life is more than just another harvest moon just tt we can't start over and we dun noe when game will be over. tt's when i start to feel lost abt wat i have achieved so far (which basically amts to nth much) and the larger-than-life life tt i've always wanted.

grades are out, but it really doesn't mean much to me cos i m nth more than all those who are seemingly below me. i keep trying to be better, but wat does better mean? how do i keep up my standards yet refrain from turning competitive?

because then, what will make me any different from them? i guess it only makes me worst since i m all talk and no action.

till then....

2009-08-25T01:22:00.003+08:00

i m high.

staying at home is doing my soul lotsa good. my latest addiction? Gossip Girl. it's kinda boring but my funshion supplies are depleting too fast, too furious.

plus, i m drowning in too much mahjong than it's healthy for the soul n disease has ravaged more skin than healthy (or pretty) physically. n i've just sat in front of the com without food for like more than 12hours.

then again, i m enjoying my brainless lazing as much as i can for this remaining week and though it scares me how wasted (not literally) i've become, i m banking all my hopes on normalcy when work begins. till then, i m a happier, lighter and happier again person.

on judging

2009-08-19T00:06:00.003+08:00

ppl judge.

they do.

all the time n everyday of their lives.

while i was doing the lingerie washing today, i realise tt sometimes, we may be too quick to judge others on their behaviour just cos it doesn't match up to our, or the society's moral expectations. i noe many of us say we dun judge but even the look of distaste at other ppl's choices is a form of judgement in itself.

i know of others who had to go through wat most of us din at our age. some we pity, some we just treat as gossip, but in the end what shld really be of concern is how we failed to emphatise with them n sympathy is just not sufficient.

aft a really long time, i realise tt i m nt the kind of person tt can truly emphatise beyond sympathy if i have nv been through the ordeal myself. and in my opinion, it is kinda tragic cos i wld then have to go thru many sadness to become a strong shoulder for others in need to lean on.

and i do hope tt aft i publish this entry, i would b more careful when others become a topic as it is more often a recipe for disaster than not.

on the job

2009-08-12T01:53:00.003+08:00

it's been almost a week since i've been offered a job and having to wait till sept is having its pros and cons since i have the luxury of having more time (and rest) but i also have to deal with my anxiety (and excitement).

i love everything i've been told abt the job; work location, job scope, etc but me being me, i can't help feeling afraid of wat it might hold or if i m too dumb to handle the job. there are so many repeated wat ifs tt i m kinda scaring myself crazy, though i m still excited n also even though i've been through this every time i start a new job.

how does anybody prepare for a new job anyway?

ps, i love my job already.

a different perspective

2009-08-07T00:45:00.002+08:00

i've noticed certain changes tt's taking place within me and no, it has nth to do with pre/post menstrual syndrome.

i guess the real transition period was somewhat during the ODAC chalet but recently i've been a diff person altogether, doing things i nv would have done in the past. smiling at the sweeper in the morning, being extra nice to the salesperson are just abt the minor things i try to do more often. the more extreme stuffs are prob like how i suddenly decided tt backend work is where i wanna build my future upon, the sudden increase in knowledge abt the person i really am and most importantly, i attended church.

i noe i kinda sound incoherant of the sorts, but gg to church has given me a shot at employment, in a post i really wanted no less.

bebe

2009-08-02T23:05:00.000+08:00

suddenly i look at a dog and miss my pet rabbit.

the one and only pet i owned tt i really fully commit myself to its care to the extent of brushing its teeth and nail cutting needs, even sending it to a vet tt cost more than the price of a new rabbit just to treat it for an insect bite.

my poor rabbit who was kidnapped years ago.

i miss u.

completed!

2009-07-24T00:13:00.002+08:00

Completed! yay~

help needed

2009-07-19T04:09:00.003+08:00

hell, i can't slp.

there's just alot of things gg thru my mind now, esp at this pt in my life where decisions and choices seem to map out like a million crossroads.

i really wonder at times if ppl go thru the same thing i m gg thru now or is it just the pure simple truth tt my mind is overly active maybe genetically (somewhat like in "heroes") or mayb both. i m inclined to think it's the super-imposition of BOTH.

i feel like there's so many things i wanna do in this life tt i haven even started. i m just not FOCUSED enough. sometimes i persuade myself tt i dun have time (like during exams) or capital to do the things i wanted or planned, but at other times when i m more honest with myself, i noe tt the main reason i dun get started is cos i m nt DISCIPLINED enough to do so. it's no wonder tt DMs in all my schooling years seem to b breathing down my neck.

ok, back to the main pt. i really do need someone to listen to me n give me some advice on the next step i should take now but it is really nt the time to be calling ppl, it's sheer rudeness.

ANY volunteers in the day?

my constrasting habits

2009-07-18T17:02:00.003+08:00

LOOK at all those things, just looking at their pics make me happy too! esp my mj eyeliner which i've always wanted to get n proudly sponsored by my sis n also check out my current fav makeup pdt n the BLUE eyeliner! wow~

i guess i kinda like my current occupation of an UNEMPLOYED personnel quite alot, just tt i can't help wondering where ppl who always complain abt being broke still have moolah to buy things while i deplete the govt's generosity (aka gst package) and past incomes.

saying the economy is bad n crippling employment is really nt all tt fair to all those ppl who are still hiring out there. however, it is TRUE tt most other positions are nt hiring other than for sales which i guess makes sense cos the company has to have the revenue generated by sales before they can pay ppl from other deps such as marketing n ops n the likes.

n sure enough, i've almost been offered a job in sales which seems to pay quite well n with rather good prospects n learning opportunities but here i m blogging abt my recent hauls instead due to part sales-fatigue and part laziness.

a piece off my "philosophy"

2009-06-28T23:12:00.003+08:00

Fisher's theorem is flawed.

If we even live in a 2 period world, i would hope tt it is valid. I will then be able to decide tt i will prefer HIGH consumption in the current period (aka NOW) and low consumption in the next period (future), where it's highly likely tt i will b too busy working to spend.

The result of the breakdown of the model in this case is me with my utility at an all time low with no mood to get a job YET n no money to spend!

Dear world, if i managed to earn 3k a mth in a somewhat interesting position, i would gladly make love to my job, day n night.

with empathy to beloved sis...

2009-06-23T02:39:00.003+08:00

yes i know i just blogged not too long ago n yes, i also noe i m boring n u r BORED.

BUT THIS IS AN EMERGENCY.

just as i was abt to slp aft the habitual email checking, i received a call of emergency (nt the pee-ing kind) from my beloved sister via msn offline msg. to find out more abt her pathetic plight, click HERE. and below is my reply to her since it's too long to sms her n she'll already b at work when i m awake.

Dear sister,

I fully sympathise with ur state but honestly, u only have ur easily-swayed-determination to blame. However, since I am ur only sister (the other being non-existent), my advice is as follows.

I would strongly encourage u to send wateva u have typed in ur post directly to mary chia (mayb u can get them to give u a few facials in exchange for the agony u went thru n still gg thru n even the refund). Please rmb to attach the pic tt i m gonna send u via email as PROOF of the abuse and better still, the effect aft 3days esp since the person promised it will go away in tt time period. In the case tt the bruise-y colour do not go off nearer to ur bintan trip, make a BIGGER DEAL OUTTA IT cos tt was the major reason u were so easily persuaded to do the GUA SA!

KICK A FUSS! WRITE AN ANGRY COMPLAINT LETTER! KICK ANOTHER BIG FUSS!

I STRONGLY ENCOURAGE YOU TO DO SO ESP IF THE GUA SA IS GONNA AFFECT YOUR TRIP!

ps: IF, i mean IF, u r richer, which obviously i noe u r not, you can consider LEGAL ACTION!

my readings, and writings, and the hateful "heads"

2009-06-20T14:20:00.003+08:00

2 days aft the expensive facial at mary chia n the blackheads are back! i can't believe how much those blackheads love me.

n 2days aft the facial, i finish my book in wat is really a mere few hours. i suppose i m either extremely bored or like wat my bro envisaged me to be; extremely horny. i would prefer to indulge myself in the former since it was more of a love story than a sex one though i dun deny reading sex scenes which are aplenty is those books.

i guess i like reading cos it always ended in happy ending and my entertaining mind always make a good companion to a book with the vivid colours it adds to my imagination. PLUS, i get to envisage guys with the kinda looks u dun get to c on the streets at all n for which i suspect is the main cause of me being rather handicap in the guy-ogling department.

one day i would love to write a book too, write abt those things tt only happened in dreams or wild fantasies. i would write abt a person as neurotic and boring as me (and all other female leads in books) with a happy ending with that good looking guy with the sorta way too exciting life.

see? it sounds boring already. i knew i nv was and prob nv gg to b endowed with literary skills. even my chinese creations so far pales in comparison with the many other "novice" works.

i wonder if there ever was a day i could fill in the word "writer" or even "novelist" under my occupation.

now THAT would b cool n for once, i will think tt my life really is how i want it.

ps: within the short span of a few hours including gg out time, i managed to re-read my book a million times over.

a happy day~

2009-06-13T01:16:00.005+08:00

wow, i m becoming one of the beauty junkies who can't resist buying those beautifully packaged stuffs and sasa definitely is 100 times more sinful than watsons.

aft repeated stares from bf, i reduced my buys to the bare min of a cleanser (making the number of cleansers in my bathroom 5 again) n PWP red earth eye shadow brush @ 50%! i wonder y i bought it when i dun even use makeup often enough, but it's really cheap n soft!

the best part? it was paid out of his IPPT "reward"!

anyway, today was super busy cos before all the rewarding, i wenta meet my colleague from parkview for a quick lunch before heading off to teacher's place to continue my secret present! think it'll b ready by monday, n i m really proud of it. even teacher said it's very nice! COS NO ONE HAS TRIED WAT I DID!!!! (nt the patching but all the other ideas like the ball ball!)

wat a happy day! =)

mood is GREAT !!!

2009-06-12T00:15:00.004+08:00

i think i m addicted to waking up early! it's super shiok cos u get to do alot of things and the day is still young.

one good example is...... i 大扫除 my toilet today, scrubbing away the heavily accumulated grime. u can guess how good my mood is already!

though the clothes lying on the piano chair is still untouched. u noe, i m so free (n relaxed) these days tt i itch-fingerly took out ALL the clothes in my closet to repack the stuffs. until now, i haven got past MR PACman.

oh ya, n cos i went out to b a nice sister to deliver my sis' piano book for her, i ended up washing my toilet WITH my mascara on (i was too free to do it too!) !!! n it smudged stubbornly cos i wasn't sure how to remove it the proper way when i m like so wet already. n again, i was too free to decided to try out my sis' liquid eyeliner. i forgot tt it's those multi purpose kind n in my haste, all my lashes ended up stuck to the liquid eyeliner cos one of it's other uses was for sticking falsies!

peng.

in the end, i left the hse with my eyes feeling weird, but i manage to unstick my lashes somehow but my fringe refused to get out of the sticky patch. ANNOYING~ though kinda funny!

next up, ultimate mood lifting pics! a secret surprise mission for a long belated prezzie!

for secrecy purposes, i shall nt give more details... make a guess on ur own! i m off to remove the icky eyeliner now n off to bed so tmr can wake earlier!

nightie nite nite~

throw-up phobia

2009-06-10T05:57:00.002+08:00

well in the end my uterus din burst, n hasn't burst since n it's really kinda annoying cos i can't plan more exciting things in my calendar. i m sorry i m the gu niang kind who wun leave my hse whenever possible when it's here.

anyway, the Adventure Trail Challenge (ATC) was a semi disaster since it wouldn't b fair to zhee long if i said tt it was a complete disaster cos he was the one who help pull me through the race so i can proudly add it to my notch of achievements.

i m sure the other participants din take it THAT hard though, but he did ask me to train for it didn't he? guility, all the training i had was on the mahjong table.

anyway, i wasn't lying completely when i said i nearly died in the race! i started throwing up at ard 12 midnight tt day reason owing to race fatigue of the m'sian maggi my sis cooked i have no idea. i tell u, my mum was so frightened she nearly called the ambulance n i decided to cab there only cos the ambulance was gonna b damn ex.

by the time i arrived, i was almost too weak to walk but luckily cgh is alot less crowded as compared to sgh but i even had time to throw up a few times before i get to c the doc, a nt bad looking one at tt. i was put on a wheelchair n a drip for an hour n when i din wanna b admitted, i was allowed to go home (albeit to 2 days of fever).

ps, they keep thinking i m pregnant of wat mans. if pregnancy makes me throw up like i did then, then i might strike it off my list of to-dos ever.

still busy, why?

2009-06-04T01:02:00.001+08:00

praying my uterus dun "burst" so soon...

just a breather

2009-05-26T22:15:00.002+08:00

to the suite chic: u can get the pore smoother at the tamp 1 watsons. :)

anyway back to my rantings.

sigh, as much as i dun wish to have any regret (which kinda reminds me of regret avoidance under behavioral finance), i can't seem to push myself any further than i did already. yest i was still so motivated but i spend the majority of today befriending WAKA WAKA!!! argh~

if the 08 paper is by any means a benchmark for the 09 paper, i can well pronounce myself dead as of 2218 hours. i dun deny i m feeling alot of fear for tmr, but y m i nt pulling up my damn socks? i shld b pulling every thing tt is pull-able n give it my best shot since it really is the last of the last paper!

AZA AZA SHUANG!!!!!!! alright, i shall go back n run my last lap with all the might i can muster n i will try my best NOT TO play WAKA WAKA today.

wish me luck, i really need buckets n buckets of it.

ps, the wave is really a joy to use. i m loving the cleansing session everyday n loving the colour, too bad the refills are still considered exp if we use it twice daily as compared to say, a clinique cleanser.

mayb it's the exams

2009-05-19T22:11:00.002+08:00

i m was excited ever since i saw the ad but i really couldn't justify the purchase when i have FIVE bottles of cleansers in my bathroom. i wonder when did my bathroom become a store with like 3bottles of shampoo, and abt 2 to 3 bottles of body soap.

like which sane person needs so many bottles.

then anyway, i was so tempted to get it until i finally finish using my clinique which left 4cleasnsers on the bathroom top. nonetheless, i m still uber excited to try the wave!!! n i bought the Za pore smoother which i saw in cleo n couldn't resist buying since i was already in watsons.

Total damage = $50
officially making watsons the most hated store on my bf list aft being persuaded to buy the wave for me plus the fact tt the last time i went, i spent $80 easily. still, it's gonna b on my favourite store list for a long long time.

i think the beauty bug has bitten me real hard this time aft reading all those entries of beauty crazed ppl, inducing me to splurge abit more than usual.

i m a good girl u noe...

2009-05-11T14:10:00.002+08:00

i m reasonably much happier than i was a few days ago. i guess one major reason can b attributed to the fact tt i managed to slp way before 7 yest, by which i meant 7am.

after attending the wake for 2 consecutive nights, i was kept well awake the 3rd night part by screwed body clock but mainly by the sight or a friggin' ROACH! (did i hear sm1 scream?) it eventually resulted in a long battle between a roach-phobic weak-hearted me n a squashed-but-refuse-to-die wretched roach.

in the end i was too worn out n resorted to using a container (hoping to trap it) to cover it up. u must b thinking i must b crazy BUT i tell u, i have this thing with roaches tt they might seek revenge once they recover from my brutal attack or worst, gather their fam n frens n come attack me. so it was a feeble attempt on my side to prevent revenge.

but alas, revenge came in the form of a HORRIBLE nightmare consisting of 3 horribly disgusting roaches, purely fictional of cos n only in the existence of my dreams. still, it was as bad as it could get. i rmb crying my ass off n screaming my head off, awaking to a teary face n wet pillow n it robbed me of the few hours of slp i bestowed myself.

see the extent of my roachophobia?

alrightey peeps, back to my math. i feel even less prepared than i was for the mocks man. mayb i have a hole in my brain n everything tt i studied just keeps leaking away with time. still i WILL NOT wish for more time as i cannot b happier my paper is tmr cos i can't wait for my exams to b over!!!

i can't wait to chiong MJ sessions with my beloved ubi kakis, can't wait to pia K with all the songs in my exams playlist playing right at this moment, n of cos i can't wait to meet all my dear fool whom i haven seen for so long n crash all those flea mkts with jing n n n so much more.

hence, i shall go BACK n do my math so i can truly enjoy all these when my exams are over.

DEAR GOD, I SHALL PUT IN MY BESTEST EFFORT TOMORROW (and of cos today too)!!!

numb.

2009-05-09T19:56:00.003+08:00

my head hurts.

it started hurting last night n only stop bugging me off the few hours of slp tt i had n continued thereafter.

exams are starting next week but i've already become to saturated with the process tt i haven't been studying for days. mayb it's the stress or anxiety.

attended a wake for the past 2days which made me very very very sad. there's nth much i could really help with since i m poor n unresourceful, so all i could do was to spend the nights there n watch the cats. n heavy rains at funerals are unsettling. the 2 days left me unproductive and worn out totally, but i really do hope tt there's more i could help with.

still happy, dun worry~

2009-05-01T22:04:00.002+08:00

happy labour day peeps! (throw in a feeble yay for effects)

ok as u can tell, i m not too please abt the hols tt just went away like it nv existed. MAY as it is, marks the prime exam period and it's supposed to b a time i m mustering all my energy to give the last lap my all, but sad to say, it doesn't seem to b happening.

poor me, stuck at home with my stupid sick-but-nt-sick-enough-to-declare-guilt-free-restdays body. top it off with cherry coloured menses. yuck! tell me abt it~ but i took a rest anyway, nt of my own free will though, i was LETHARGIC for goodness aft all the blood flowing. sorry if i m being more disgusting than anyone can bear, but it's really just whining for my eyes to c.

i m really feeling the MAY fear deep into my bones cos my exams are really really v near now. all u local u ppl shuddup, i noe u r all already started, if nt finished already. the only good thing i can think of is tt if the bleeding is inevitable, it's fortunate i got it before my exams even start to begin with.

n one last thing to whine abt. stupid exams has caused my flatter-than-chest tummy to become a 水桶腰 !!! i shld really only have myself to blame for nt even putting in the least bit of effort to work out at all. the amt of weight i put on recently is ALARMING! i m just praying it's the period bloat.

laugh if u want~

2009-04-28T21:52:00.002+08:00

what better time than to fall sick than... now...

besides pressing exam timelines, now is also raging with the infamous swine flu. just to b safe, i decided to stay home tmr (just in case i become one of the super spreaders or the likes) n drink my panadol flu. secretly in my heart i m worried tt some BIG SHOT will know of my temp n drag me to one of those icky blood tests. n my fren had to even scare me further by asking me to buy a mask from guardian! i even tot of the possibility of having to take my papers in the hosp. now THAT'S funny~

yes i noe u ppl must b laughing at me now for being so paranoid when it's really just nth more than a fever, but u can't really blame me when the pandemic is known to b much more terrifying than SARS u noe.

MY vices~

2009-04-18T00:15:00.002+08:00

i think i really have to admit with bf tt i m really an indecisive individual and a compulsive spender too.

indecisive cos there seems to b so many things i can't decide on n one good example is whether or nt to join ATC. it's really a simple decision but i m really afraid i will pull the team down, though as everyone always say tt the process is more impt than the outcome.

n my spending habits can b substantiated by the amt of money i spent today in just a timespan of less than 5hours. the total damaga comes up to a bill of $240 plus a scolding, i can only say i m lucky i dun have a credit card. sigh, i guess the scolding was a well deserved one since my total assets add up to abt $5 or less, with an outstanding hp bill of a hundred bucks.

i m beginning to feel abit like becky bloomwood; such heavy debts but resistance to money spending is at an all time low; if it ever was high in the 1st place. though i m still quite proud of my recent purchases n they can all b fully justified with the kind of deprivation i went through paying my ass off my sch fees, nt literally. n really, 240 bucks is already less off the number of things i KIV-ed cos i couldn't decide whether the purple serpent ring was too venomous for me.

ahh the indecisiveness~ just as well too since i prob will incur a debt too high to start repaying if i could put my feet down n say tt the serpent ring is beautiful n goes with the serpent armband n end up buying both, tgt with the bunch of bangles looking so pretty.

this is KILLING me.

redbull wish.

2009-04-07T23:44:00.003+08:00

i m so glad tt my internet is finally up after eon years, plus it's back with cable tv. it's like a double shot latte which i'll b having tmr which is also equivalent to double shot of yayness.

despite my fatigue, i m still so excited i'll b meeting jings tmr to study. just like how i m always excited abt meeting dearest kristen even though i've been seeing her for 5 str days with two more to come this week.

i m tired.

i m still excited abt sch though, if only i m some turbo charged engine or wat so i can keep gg sch for tons of days n still not feel tired. OR if only i could do some studying. i m so not studying n i wonder y. attending the local rev today has me realising how ill prepared i m for the papers n getting my papers back for the mock has me realising how far i m from my 1st class nt tt i was v near to begin with.

still, i m just hoping my investment paper ain't screwed like i expect my finance to b.

how i still wish i m a turbo charged machine.

on school...

2009-03-23T00:15:00.004+08:00

i have this crazy idea of joining this aquathlon thing i saw in the student portal. it's crazy cos i dun think i had the stamina to do tt during my peak in jc days. i wanna do it just to push myself further, but i noe deep down i really won't sign up for it cos exams are coming.

anyway even though the "monk" mood seems unlikely to depart even aft the mocks, i've decided tt this coming week will b a diff week. or so i hope. i m gg to SLEEP BEFORE 12 and WAKE UP at 7 each day. sounds easy or even routine to some, it's really nt a simple feat for me to accomplish. if i m a catholic, this would b my lent resolution though i think fasting would b an easier option, or mayb not.

50days is a good time to start so frens, if u c my online aft 12, chase me to sleep n if u r already awake at 7, text me to show ur support. ur kindgesture will b deeping appreciated by me! i wonder if it'll make me closer to the impossible task of obtaining a 1st class but i promise i'll treat if i do accomplish MISSION IMPOSSIBLE!!!

what should I do?

2009-03-17T02:01:00.003+08:00

Jay Chou - Orange Jasmine(Qi Li Xiang) -

if u had a house now, wat kind of hse would be? who would u wanna live in with?

i was asked this qn today n though i din quite agree at 1st, i supposed the ans was really very much of a spot on. i may always appear to b cheerful and talkative, but deep down i really just need a shelter of my own. a shelter from all the un-nice things of realities and also sth to b there for me to lean on when i m tired.

no prizes for correct guesses but my ans was tt i would choose to live in a small apartment, myself. n from tt, i kinda knew myself better and unravel more of the things i've hidden in the process of growing up. expect of these emo posts in the near future cos graduating is freaking me out quite abit, it makes me feel like mummy is letting go of my hand in a crowded park n it makes me feel so lost.

while blogging, i decided to on some music for company. listening to qi li xiang makes me feel like crying cos it reminds me of the many days we spent inside mr tan's office in the jc times, stealing his sweets n trying to catch up with his math tutorial. listening to it reminds me of the many many days in his office n how we nv fail to pop by everytime we walk pass his office. n listening to it i reminds me of how he always laments tt the songs nowadays are so trashy n how we'll sit in his car n listen to his kind of good music. i'll sing this song to him everytime i wanna irritate him. it makes me sad cos i've nv seen him ever since he retired n i've never gotten that A to show him. i wonder if he'll still rmb me if we meet again.

i m sad. quite sad to b exact. listening to it makes me sad.

我很无聊`

2009-03-16T00:59:00.002+08:00

sometimes i get annoyed when ppl dun update their blog often enough cos i m already as bored as could be already. Plus, the list of blogs i read is just abt FOUR? oops i forgot i dun blog often too.

since my brain is kinda dead ever since the mocks, the post is gonna b super random n in POINT FORM.

1. i conclude tt the reason i dun blog is cos the previous skin has started to annoy me already.
2. i love the new skin.
3. i made a new fren: LUMIX n he's cool.
4. i still love my olympus alot n i dunno wat to do with her.
5. MOCKS are finally over. yay~
6. i secretly think tt mocks isn't all tt bad except for finance.
7. i m still complacent n i wonder y.
8. i met my beloved fool today n m super happy abt it.
9. i think bugis is boring.
10. i think amanda's uber cute but i din get to c eugene though.
11. i m secretly planning to go her hse to crash dinner. uninvited.
12. i have no money to go grad trip.
13. i m secretly hoping tt i will b able to go cameron ALONE aft the exams.
14. i m still missing the star gazing trip.
15. i feel like cutting my hair again but din cos i m a cheapskate.
16. i need new swimming bottoms which won't expose my ass.
17. i need exercise.
18. i think the list is getting a little too long.
19. i should really end here already.
20. i think u r quite pro if u finish reading the above.

dun b affected girl....

2009-03-02T17:53:00.002+08:00

had wanted an outlet for venting but i guess it internalised before i could say anything. now it's all peace from within. back to my unproductive day at studying, time is running out but i dun seem to b doing much cept for slping.

i m officially declared SIAO~

2009-03-02T01:52:00.005+08:00

by now, everybody should b feeling uber tensed. at least, everyone in my sch should since it's the mocks and i have barely a week.

u noe wat's the worst part? i m nt even stressed tt it's so near. mayb tmr i would. BUT, i seriously need the motivation driven by fear!

sometimes i really wonder if my brain comprised of different components as other brains. WHY can't it function like other brains and MUG like a nerd or even at the very least, comprehend wat all the finance books are saying tt i AIN'T catching the least.

SICKENING~

seemingly the only thing within my control and in aid of studies is to GO get some SLEEP and wake up earlier to MUG tmr, but instead of following THE plan, i type away profusely on my keyboard with my pencil case sitting obediently beside me, waiting for my tender touch.

then again, at least it DOES makes me feel better cos at least IT being on standby makes me feel like i m on standby mode too instead of OFF. see, my brain is forming weird tots again.

then again, sometimes i m quite glad tt it's diff from all other brains. just imagine how bored i would be with a NORMAL brain with no entertaining tots to amuse myself when i m alone. tt's right, i talk to myself. omy, just the tot of talking to a normal brain sounds traumatising enough as it is already.

i think i m gg berserk already. but just why? WHY AM I NOT SCARED??? oh dear.... byebye peeps, i m gg to try to b scared or go to bed.

ps, i m meeting my 贵人 on thurs again. mayb bcos i got 贵人 tt's y i m COMPLACENT!!!! n credits to UOL despatch for the examiners' report.

my lucky day~

2009-02-25T23:44:00.002+08:00

no matter how blog uninclined i m, i still wanna say: i met a 贵人 today!!! he's just so good at finance i m totally put to shame by his passion. shit mans, i m really in the wrong course. anyway, i m so motivated to study MM1 now.

dun feel like...

2009-02-22T23:59:00.002+08:00

somehow or the other, i kinda lost it with blogging, just like how i seem to lose it with mahjong. i don't feel like doing either of both anymore. mayb it's a saturation thing.

over the weekend, i wenta malaysia again. this time, to a place i've never been to with the NUS peeps -- to stargaze. it was a good trip n i really enjoyed it. but i dun really feel like blogging abt it now. just like i dun feel like saying how i always seem to feel compromised; mayb it's time to have principles.

i also realise tt i dun even feel like sharing my trip to the zoo, as with my stressful studies, and also my zouk finds.

this box seems so foreign now tt i dun even noe wat else to say anymore.

back to msm.

i jump u jump....

2009-02-13T00:54:00.003+08:00

the chinese have this saying: 狗急跳墙, n i m none other than the 狗。

okay, i noe u must b thinking tt's a weird start to an entry but anyways, i m weird.

even though i may be the 狗, but i m the 狗 who already 跳 over the 墙 to the beautiful grassland over at the other side.

i bet by now u already start scratching ur head n wondering wat the heck i m saying. just gimme a break from all the drama n differential eqns. sigh, as exams start to feel nearer in dec, i was like the 急狗 but now tt it's even nearer than anything, i m actually feeling relaxed even though i haven exactly started on studying.

alrights, just here to rants n show my alive-ness. back to DE, hopefully can finish today. so many things, so little time.

where did i put my msm test again? shucks~

conflicker-infected emotions

2009-02-05T23:21:00.003+08:00

if u dun c me blogging recently, tt's just cos i m too busy emo-ing and all i wanna do is b a 宅女 which makes me all the more irritated cos i cannot b a 宅女 due to school n wat nots.

if depression is a prolonged period of gloom/dejection/sadness, and if 2weeks is proLONGED enough, mayb i have depression too.

GLOOM

DEJECTION

SADNESS

personally i dun even noe y i m feeling so negative. i dun even feel like waking up everyday. if only i can just pause time and turn into a fossil for a while. then when i emerged from my fossilized self, i can still have the luxury of time to study for my exams.

i so wanna go for the summer programme........................................

什么年。。。。

2009-01-27T22:00:00.002+08:00

if the start of the new yr is a sign of the rest of the year, i wld think this yr is most likely gonna be... SUCKY!!!!

many sucky things happened till i can't even be bothered to elaborate in words. in general, i m just irritated, frustrated and angry. wat a lousy week.

给我十首歌的时间吧，上帝。。。

2009-01-22T00:00:00.002+08:00

i wonder why is it tt i do not seem to have enough time everyday. it seems like days and months and years just fly past.

is there a word to describe it being faster than just fly? mayb ZOOM is a good word, yeah time seems to ZOOM past.

in abt 100 odd days, it'll b the final of all final exams and how i wish i can say i m as prepared as a... chef? wateva, i just wish i could feel more prepared. mayb i was born a procrastinator? mayb it's in my blood n genes, tt's y i seem to nv b able to complete my goals.

still, at 12midnight, instead of at least TRYING to do the pathetic qn lying on the table, i m actually blogging!!! zzzzzz y was i not born a nerd or a mugger?

i must really think of a way to study more efficiently and do my work CAREFULLY before the exam monster attacks.

tatas~

on my hair again...

2009-01-15T23:30:00.002+08:00

so, i went n did my hair again today. i guess i m infatuated with my hairstylist just cos he has a cute bear, otherwise how wld u explain my sudden desire to colour my hair when the only hair colour i love was JET BLACK.

but anyway, tt's nt the main point. the main point of this post is to say sth, sth impt. yet, i cannot rmb now. oh but wat i wanted to say yest was tt i've broken all my resolutions already! fast right? i noe.

BUT, tt's alright cos i will just keep trying to make them all work. except mayb being a 好人 shld b left alone cos it's really nt so bad aftall. at least, i made a new "fren" and noes of her existence just tt i din think we could b THAT kind.

camped.

2009-01-11T21:27:00.004+08:00

i can't really rmb when i last felt this tired at this kinda time.

just came back from camp n i m back here already. kinda thinking of shutting this blog to channel more energy on my "serious blog" but this seems like the only avenue tt ppl can get an update on my mundane lifestyle.

talking abt camps, it's been so long since i last camped during odac days. it's truly refreshing and a really exciting experience. but u must b wondering since when a person like me would sign up for a camp at SIM. really, i signed up (and paid $50 bucks for it) cos i wanted to try the famed "hostel life" tt everyone is ranting abt but mainly becos i really wanna play the paintball.

luckily the camp turned out to b not too bad aftall, even the dry-ish career talks seem useful. we had late night movie sessions, played CSI and paintball, and we were generally pretty well-fed. it's just that the slping time nv seem to b enough and the air-con is so uber cold.

oh mayb i din mention, the camp i joined is called "Career Development", n i still can't believe i signed up for such a boring sounding camp. but in a word of fairness, it was really quite fun (esp with my SIMpals) and reminds me of OBS.

*rub eyes* exams is in 3mths time n i hope i can really settle down to studying real soon.

late resolutions....

2009-01-07T00:51:00.004+08:00

i m secretly upset that i lost my ez-link card today; not so much the card but more of the lost in itself, even if it's just a pen. hence i've decided.... my new yr resolution number 1 will be to NOT LOSE ANYTHING THIS YEAR!!! tada~ i've also realised that now tt i m officially an adult, i really needa reorganise myself as a person on the whole. there's just so many things i wish to improve n i believe a few of u already felt the tip hopefully on the "last day of 2008".

ironically, number 2 is actually to stop being a 烂好人. no more living as a second class citizen in a world i created. i started this resolution today n i m already beginning to feel the level of difficulty it involves already. it's even hard not to say "sorry" tgt with "excuse me", if u get wat i mean.

and since i cannot set a resolution banning seafood in my life cos i will definitely break it, so i decided, it's no seafood for the month of jan. cos the eczema itch is KILLING ME!!! so ppl, watch me ok...

okay, so wat if i only have 2 resolutions? mock me if u want but wat's the point if u break all of them in the end? at least i won't feel guilty breaking just 2... :))))

new year, new dreams, same old work....

2009-01-04T00:35:00.002+08:00

2009 marks a dancing year for me (though i m really nt even a 1% dancer) cos i feel totally inspired aft watching so many dance shows on tv. i feel so determined to make my body move like the water flow but mine is more like clattering rocks. stiff.

nevertheless, i won't have time from now till the end of exams which is expected to end ard 27th may. it's prob just the 4th day of the new year but i already starting to feel the piling workload tt i chucked to the back of my head over the last mth, no doubt happily, starting to lay its weight on me. i can smell the fear creeping through my bones, making me all the more put off by my work, no more motivated.

sigh~

and poogee, i m really so sorry i din take the time out to 陪 flora, leaving u feeling all so stressed out. i noe i could have done more, i really feel bad abt it. i'll make it up by loving u more in the new year ok?

and chun yee, i finally bought ur HARIBO today. i promise u will receive it by... end of jan? i m really sorry abt the delay la but i will get it to u asap!! :)

and fool, i give u the whole of jan to rest ok? just rmb to gimme a ring when u've settled.

and last but not least, i have all but ONE resolution this year. to love ppl more! :)

where is the love...

2008-12-29T23:22:00.002+08:00

if only i study half as hard as i do with magazines i'll prob b a top student already. i wonder if ever girl pour over their magazines like a starved beggar faced with food. i guess tt's prob y my frens nv understand y i can read the same mag five times and still read it again the next month, making my money well worth.

i suppose it's really like my love for cake browsing but not so much for eating. i look at all those beautifully packaged cosmetics with their too-good-to-be-true descriptions and drool over them but seldom shelling out bucks for it.

y dun i seem to like bodie, kane and marcus or even grinblatt and titman tt much?

sigh, nth to blog abt... too preoccupied in front of the com, not so much atop a toilet bowl. mayb i shld prepare for the last entry of 2008.

despite everything tt happened in this eventful year, i m still quite sad it's gonna b gone in a few days time. i shld really take some time to bid it goodbye officially...................

我的久病怎么还不愈？

2008-12-19T00:55:00.003+08:00

u noe ppl always say 久病成良医，and though tt is most often the case, it doesn't seem to help much with my tuberculosis-soundalike cough. ahhh~ but i seem to always choose to ignore the 良医's advice tt mummy has ingrained into me since young.

shuang, you must rmb tt cough cannot eat GUEH ok. GUEH (chicken) , GUEH NＵNG (egg), XI　ＧＵＥＨ　（ｗａｔｅｒｍｅｌｏｎ）ａｎｄ　ａｌｌ　ｔｈｅ　ＧＵＥＨｓ　ａｌｌ　ｃａｎｎｏｔ　ｅａｔ　ｏｋ？

today i couldn't resist and ate the KA LI GUEH (curry chicken) and XI GUEH(watermelon) and top it off with a slice of yummy sinful chocolate cake. sigh, no wonder i keep coughing all the way home. i knew FOR SURE the cough syrup i took just now won't last me long enough hence i was too quiet even for my own standards.

in the end i couldn't even join for the bowling session cos i could just feel the bouts of coughs coming in full force. i dare say "drain cleaning" is my fav activity other than mj lo.

so anyway, happy bday to edwin!!! hope u like all the presents cos i played a major role in choosing and putting everything tgt even though i din chip in. but of cos i hope u like MY present the most.

the disease....

2008-12-15T13:15:00.004+08:00

ouch ouch!

my mouth is hurting like crazy, making my nose all runny and eyes filled with tears. i have officially caught THE BUG resulting in me nt attending MSM for the 2nd week in a row le.

the only good thing outta this whole sickness is tt i get to drink my fav drink of all times; panadol flu drink, replaceable by lemxip. no kidding, i dunno y i like to drink it so much. but that obviously wasn't much help with tt humongous ulcer in my mouth.

but of cos before i fell sick, i had a "local delights feast" with my fren from hk. although i m in singapore for 90% of my life, i nv really had a meal like tt before. c, i m beginning to miss the laksa already, n of cos my fren too!

so at least tt's one good thing other than my missed mj session.

ching ching~

2008-12-10T00:17:00.004+08:00

the short dist from the lect hall saw me spending 10bucks easily, tt's like my commission for one week of sales. i seriously think i m an easily satisfied person, just a few boxes of cutes sweets already have me smiling like a fool all the way to the library, which was my primary destination.

anyway if u kept up with my nonsense blog, u'll prob noe tt i was so upset recently cos i just have no idea of anything. but now i realise there IS sth tt i truely like and can make me really happy. SHIN CHAN. it's officially my favourite character of all time now. now i finally have a fav, other than the almond roca i've always taken a liking to since young. but tt's a prezzie which makes it all the more D.E.L.I.C.I.O.U.S!!!

hey fool, i was packing my stuffs and i chance upon ur card today. really made me u a hell loads, can't wait for u to come back n go for late night beancurd sessions with ur bro n eugene. better still if amanda can come, i miss her too u noe. i should go ur hse for dinner again!!! i think i miss ur sisters too, LOL.

ah, the wonders of a card. i love u fool and i m here in singapore missing u!!! if u c a cute shin chan over at ur side of the world, rmb to buy it all for ME!!! i m counting my fingers already!

make this "tight" feeling ebb

2008-12-01T02:46:00.006+08:00

IT has arrived earlier than usual, and 5 mths earlier no less.

THE inevitable STRESS.

i dunno y when i lay on the bed just now, i could nt fall aslp no matter how hard i try. i guess is my screwed body clock. n when i can't slp, i get irritated and emo n i turn vulgar n this makes me more irritated with myself apart from the fact tt my body is refusing slp.

i guess by coming online, i've already semi-decided tt i do not wanna go sch tmr already. i noe it's bad an am super angry with myself for that too but i really need that break. but i can already predict the outcome tmr will turn out to be me gg to sch reluctantly and feeling more sucky than ever abt it. in the end i took a "chakra" test only to realise tt my mood today and as a person on the whole, i am really NOT at peace with the world.

n it really pisses me off a great deal tt i m so EMO despite having a good time at the bowling rink earlier plus supper with my much loved beancurd.

thus, i have decided to turn to FUSHION for some comfort on demand to ease all the uneasy feelings i feel, to forget the negative feelings and to forget tt i m really not a 好人 nor a 好朋友 nor a 好女儿 nor a combination of 好 anything.

yes i noe tt some beloved 好人 and 好朋友 of mine will tell me tt this is definitely nt the case but as in all past emo events, just leave me alone as it is really just temporary, or so i hope to believe.

ps, note also tt it bothers me quite a fair bit TONIGHT (only) tt i have no aspirations, no passion and no direction in life.

it really bothers me.

2Ps - pitiful, pain

2008-11-21T14:50:00.003+08:00

when one gets older, the reminiscing gets frequent. so 21years OLD me was thinking back to when i was younger and how i was always intrigued by pads. i still rmb wanting to b a pad scientist/designer, wateva it is called. little did i noe it's act linked to the main cause of misery for many women, myself included.

but enough abt tt now lest i'll prob scare all the male readers off. so here's sth tt made my day better, hope it made u smile at the very least.

FUNNY PICK-UP LINES

#1 - I m not telling you this to impress you, but I AM BATMAN.

#2 - Fat Penguin. (she says what?) hey just had to say something that would break the ice

#3 - If I were to ask you for sex, would your answer be the same as the answer to this question?

a continuation.

2008-11-13T00:47:00.005+08:00

okay of cos my birthday is not only ABOUT my foolish frens. there are tons of other ppl i truly appreciate for their efforts n it really turned out as i had hoped -- simple dinner(s). to b precise, i had two CRAB FEAST!

of cos "poogee and gang" as poo calls it got me a sth off my checklist tgt with a gold, erm, chip/bar. lol it's sweet of them, there r the same bunch + my ubi-kakis who granted my crabs craving. n who bought my yummy cake.

n there was this other group which i dunno how to label, goy goy counted down to her 30th bday while i count to my 21st. tgt we sang HAPPY BIRTHDAY n blew candles on the cute little tasmania cake, droopey-eyed. i swear i was so full tt day (with crabs again) tt i decided i have had enough crabs for this year already. any more, i will almost definitely suffer from a cholesterol overload.

finally amidst all the exams, i managed to squeeze a bday dinner outta WY (coined by daneil. go figure out if u dun already noe.) :)

yay, awfully chocolate cake~ which really looks kinda awful.

got crabs craving again...

i noe u are busy...

2008-11-13T00:09:00.009+08:00

dedicated to u for all the time u spent even though u r really busy. it must b tough squeezing all those words into tt tiny postcard.

my dearest fool actually really sent me a present from HK! though i was the one who insisted tt she mail me sth from hk. LOL~ i woke up this morning feeling like any other day but c-ing tt box on the table makes the day special already. ps, i noe it's YOU before i even c the name n NEAT handwriting lo.

so touched. thank you darling fool, u make my day special. n it arrived so zun in the morning la, of cos nt to forget THE long awaited phone call which got cut off. argh~

as if tt's nt enough, she HAD to post tt unglam kuku pic from IPW years all over again with all my unglamourous activities n disgusting quotes from my blog. how embarrassing.

she is the friend who will bite you in the middle of the class if you dared her to.
she is the friend who will stand at my home door, welcoming my family back and ask me to feel at home.
she is also that same and one and only friend who will laugh with me, over the there was once a man joke!

fool, i noe u love me loads but all these 陈年往事 no need put all over ur blog de lo.

tt's her! of cos i have more unglam shots of her which i promised nv to post. moreover, i m not THAT mean. let's go eat tom yam steamboat for my belated bday!

procrastination is IN earlier this year.

2008-11-09T12:52:00.002+08:00

see, i m NOT studying again. it's been *count fingers* the third consecutive day i haven been studying for my IM test this week. it's kinda hazardous to health the same way trading is to wealth (barber and odean), rhyme unintended. anyway tt part of behavioural finance is not even tested in the 1st place.

so yest was yet another unproductive day cos i can't seem to really focus in the day esp at home n my "prime" study time is between 12 to 3am. BUT i was out yest; celebrating my bday, more on tt later.

so i told myself last night while waiting for my hair to dry tt i would wake up at 5 to make up for the past 3 days (ya right.) n i looked up at the clock n it reads: 5am. *stunned* in the end, i slept till now which is well past 11, near to 12.

major SIGHS~

so anyway, cos i m nt much of a planner in life, we ended up having no place to go aft the dinner. but the dinner was like super super sumptuous n poogee was like tempted to order damn alot of food. which we really did in the end, plus my choc-a-bloc cake!

overall i would say it's quite good cos i really wanted just a simple dinner. where my birthday wish was concern, i realised i din have any. of cos we wish for a million things in the world like being rich n wat nots, but really, i think i have quite a good life as compared to some starving kids elsewhere.

happy advance birthday to ME and belated to YOU SHENG whose bday party i'll b attending later!

read: no time to study again. yeah right, how much i wld have accomplished without this entry. i haven even finish my behaviour finance for this week. argh gonna go facebook to destress.

i m tired...

2008-11-07T01:44:00.004+08:00

it may sound lame but i created an entry to just to say... i smell yummy! tt sounds so wrong but i HECK.

okayokay, i noe it sounds terribly lame esp when majority of the ppl out there are too busy reading their textbooks in preparation of exams n yet here i m typing incoherent and redundant stuffs. but since i m here, let me update on my pathetic life.

noteworthy pt of my life this week is really my trip to.... U GUESSED IT! LITTLE INDIA. alrights, i noe truth is none of u bothered to guess but it's okay since i really just feel like being lame today. anyway, it was not too bad but not too interesting either cept for the fact tt most posters are printed in indian/tamil or wateva language tt cursive thing is. AND, the service at a hawker was really quite fantastic, they even provided tissue aft our meal even though the meal itself was nt very expensive.

UPS.

n the saddest thing this week is.... my zoo trip with the orphanage kids is cancelled cos apparently too many singaporeans are TOO helpful so there's already enough. i guess i really have to wait till my niece n nephews to finish their exams b4 a glimpse of the much anticipated zoo trip can be caught.

anyway, i still have not tot of wat to do on THE actual day itself since i have sch n he's having exams. goy goy's got some family celebration i think. even so, tues i m already gonna b bright enough though i most prob won't join for the sentosa outing cos i got class too. so i m gonna b OH-SO-LONELY doing my math on MY day. on a brighter note, there's gonna b a crab feast!! i m so excited abt all the crabs i m gonna b eating plus, i got my request of a choc-a-bloc cake aft being inspired by ed's post!

so tt's all the excitement n then comes the lonely lonely day. but who cares abt birthdays when there's crabs.

tatas~

teeny.overwhelmed.load

2008-10-31T02:18:00.004+08:00

my keys disappeared.
it really made me really upset.
mayb scorpios really cannot get past themselves.

i m feeling weird.
can't put a finger to it.
mayb i m depress cos i haven been studying.
mourning for my lost.

i should stop this reliance.
finally understand how she feels.
but i have no idea wat to do with it.
it's too much to noe how to deal with properly.

i wonder where this immense amt of stress is coming from.

i bet it's the keys.

mj sessions can't seem to cheer me too.

sweet daneil bought booby chocs from tw.
sweets bought yummy chocs for deepa.

n my darlings act bought me caramel milktea, knowing my craving.

it's sweet when ppl rmb u like tt.

goy goy bought my new fav sweet.
WATERMELON LOLLIPOP.
tt's sweet too.

i hope i get to go little india for my bday.

wonder y is it tt i have so many qns for this world?
y m i so curious abt everything n every feeling?
y do i dissect feelings to pinpoint every emotion?

mayb love n hate is just a line of difference.
how do u neutralise distasteful behaviour?

4c class gathering soon.

tori Q.
beancurd.
caramel milktea.

丰收日

2008-10-26T00:15:00.005+08:00

my fr3b sample finally arrived! it's actually a surprise tt they gave the retail size tube instead of the cumbersome sachets. for those who dunno fr3b yet, it's act a sampling platform for cheapo ppl like me to try pdts 1st before committing to the purchase.

anyway i got the cleanser as my 1st sample cos the packaging was really nice. in the end i think it's more for guys cos the brand is a more guyish one. so i'll most prob pass it to my bro instead. so guys, if u r too cheapskate to get ur own cleanser, this is one pdt u may consider signing up for just to try it. the texture is nt too bad, but a little drying for my skin though. (bragging just to get more ppl to sign up so i get more points. jian~)

then also i got this NTU study pack or dunno wat shit it's called but it's full of female samples too. it's kinda exciting cos i've always wanted to try the loreal true match foundation but my compact is still almost unused. then there's the maybelline angelfit tt i had wanted to buy too just tt my BB cream, as u've guess, is still pretty new too despite the more frequent usage.

anyway, so i get to try them now since i m also too broke to spare cash on cosmetics n wat nots. still waiting for my isetan voucher to come so i can go buy my super-nice-and-clean-but-super-ex makeup remover from kose. the ultimation or sth like tt range really gives a good clean n leaves face really soft aft tt. highly recommended for those with cash to spare. sound so advertorial right.

so anyway, those samples i got below adds to my growing collection of samples i've gotten recently tt i even have a bag to hold them all now. it's kinda cool actually, provided i dun of the fact tt i actually have 4 mascaras n 4 cleansers now.

any takers for the mascaras?

n lastly, i kinda got my FIRST bday present.

y kinda? cos my sis has spent her previous mth's paycheck so i fork money out to get this 1st. but as u all would prob noe from my "wants" list tt i've ALWAYS wanted an epilator but is either too broke or too giao to get it. i m like seriously over the moon tt i've finally gotten it. i think i got this weird relationship with epis (as do my BB creams) tt i just can't seem to get enough off like how i keep wanting to get them for ppl's bday just cos it seems so useful n i simply love it too much tt i have the urge to keep buying just tt i dun even need so many in the 1st place right?

LOL

alrights, tt's the end. i think my post is gonna sound so bimbotic tt i wonder if anyone could have braved through it. let me noe if u did. :)

(ps, got caught by sis at the corridor just now. cat's outta the bag, shucks.)

just to waste time.

2008-10-21T17:42:00.006+08:00

guess wat?
dun bother guessing, i'll tell u.
i went for all but ONE skates class n it HAD to rain.
i got all drenched n brought home the stupid virus which had me coughing my lungs out with a stupid temp and 2 lessons cancelled.

i suddenly realise tt i dun have anything to say.
or mayb i m just too tired from all the coughing.

but i found these....

look at the amt of stuff i've been chucking... esp my old blusher tt i finally decide to rid of.

n this was superb. looking at the pic already makes me salivate. they have tons of other mouthwatering treats including macarons too.

this was definitely one of the best things abt sch. my fren act pass one whole bag of samples to me during lecture one day. look at the yummy lot of beauty products esp tons of my fav brand - laneige.

n of cos, i m also waiting for my 1st fr3b package to arrive. how exciting~ hopefully they'll replenish the lotree bb cream soon, not to forget the covermark foundation.

who says poor ppl are deprived?

不见了。。。

2008-10-14T00:05:00.002+08:00

u noe, i m really damn sad.

technically, i m super pissed with myself.

i m such a dork head tt i left my ez link at the counter aft topping it up,

(lucky i managed to retrieve it back aft this kind malay woman told me abt it.)

n whilst i was on the bus, i realised tt i lost my pencil case too.

how scatter-brain can i get?

dun harp on it, i feel like crying already.

sigh, now then i noe my precious stationary are as impt as my wallet/phone/etc.

i feel so helpless gg to sch tmr, just thinking abt it makes me sad.

c, i m overreacting again.

but, I M SAD...

i feel so lost.

so angry...

OUR "off" days...

2008-10-03T23:48:00.004+08:00

because i keep losing weight these days, i allowed my mum to cook my "roach" dish- black chicken soup, and even went as far as agreeing to put it in my mouth.

so here i m, aft so many years of abstinence, drinking it, n every bit as awful as i rmb or even worst. n i even naively tot tt i would have learnt to appreciate the taste now tt i've "grown up".

yucks~

today was supposed to b mugging day (as per my timetable) but i decided to go swim instead as i watch the remnants of my body fat become flabbier each day. so we headed to jurong west swimming complex, talking abt everything under the sun (literally) before taking a few slides and a cut on my knee n headed off.

yes, we headed off to... the SCIENCE CENTRE. we had a whole load of fun exploring "matter", "gravity", "motion" and also "the human body" etc. not forgetting to end it off with the iMAX movie at the omni theatre.

see, i lost quite a few kg these days aft all the puking n wat not, leaving me with just skin n bones. i still rmb i was heaviest in college days weighing between 43 and 45kg. the pri sch kid who took her weight b4 me weighs 35kg already la.

nvm, now tt i consumed the yucky stuff, hopefully i m replenishing some useful stuffs back to my body. all in all, it was all fun in a day. hopefully tmr i will wake up in time to go ecp for skates.

a pat on my back... THANKS~

2008-09-29T22:10:00.003+08:00

so i've been throwing up all too frequently tt i bet the ppl in the cubicle next to me thinks i m pregnant too. but i haven't been extremely unwell to call the doc in yet, with a little concern tt he'll "advise" against dairy pdts which i can't have since my bubbletea craving.

just in case i become too unwell to have beancurd at all, i headed down to my fav stall in geylang for some today. yes u r right, alone. whilst i was feeling EXTREMELY proud of myself for my navigation skills, i realised i lost my tissue pouch which works as fast as a killspray to my inflated ego.

meanwhile, i decided i shall go swimming tmr to build up my resistance. which is kinda ironical for a sick person run all over the place. but i shall go if i can wake up early enough, also to replace my tissue pouch.

ANGRY, no doubt still proud of myself.

sick again...

2008-09-28T22:14:00.002+08:00

so the F1 ended with a little disappointment on my side with hamilton coming in third, though still much better than massa.

on a lower note, even as the race progresses, i can feel my body waning with the nausea returning n body aches n throbbing headaches. i m still weighing my options if i shld take another 2 panadols as i grimaced on the thought of how the other 2pills i took yest ended in the toilet bowl with all the puke.

sis was diagnosed with stomach flu recently n insisted tt i was suffering the same painful fate as her thus denying me my much craved beancurd though i really dun c the difference when i m drowning tons of milktea. but to b fair, i m also too sick to leave my hse though still healthy enough to bring my niece n nephew on the mrt to tampines.

of cos, u can b sure tt they attracted so much attn with their qns tt everyone noes they have never taken the train before. LOL

sigh, back to bed. mayb i will skip sch tmr. BAD GIRL!!!

when there ain't no bubbletea.

2008-09-22T22:19:00.003+08:00

recently i keep having bubbletea cravings, n it's not a good thing. everytime i wanna have a cuppa, it's always closed. so i went down again today, to get some bubbletea n probably a good spot to cry. but there weren't no bubbletea n there weren't no spots.

i dun understand y these ppl dun go home when the bubbletea shop has closed, y is it tt they have to get all cuddly at the playground n not move it back to the bedroom so i can get some space to let some tears run since i can't cry at home.

in the end, i combed the carpark (like we did not too long ago) alone, n thot of a deserted playground nearby n headed forth. again, there were heaps of ppl who had seemingly no intention of gg home.

in the end... i found two pieces of railings n sandwiched myself between them n watched the cars go by. watching them got me hopeful tt mayb the phone i left at home was ringing n tt one of these taxis had the sent me a present. but all the hired taxis zoomed past without a pause, making wonder y are they travelling so fast on such a small road?

after sitting for a really long time, a bus came along but with not much of any luck so i told myself i would depart on the count of the tenth hired taxi since there weren't any bubbletea (yes, i m still harping on the bubbletea). as fate would have it, the taxis disappeared amazingly. waiting and waiting, i changed my "thought" to tenth taxi (without the "hired") instead.

n so i sat foolishly for a really really long time. n by the time the tenth taxi came along, i din feel like crying anymore. it just felt therapeutic, like pasting reinforcement rings.

(ps, i finally noe how to differentiate between sad and very sad. i m very sad cos the bubbletea shop was closed but i m sad cos of wat happened. not very sad, not a little sad, just plain ole sad.)

a not-so-bad weekend afterall....

2008-09-21T16:55:00.004+08:00

i was having one of my lousier weekends because my stupid body seems to be getting in a very very bad habit of breaking down everytime i m upset plus all the meals tt i skipped.

well, a pleasant surprise came knocking on my door literally which brightened my day instantly. my cousin came over with my aunt n her two kids all the way across the causeway n it was really shocking cos my niece n nephew doesn't even have a passport to begin with! oh n did i mention i totally ADORE them even though they can b a little annoying when u r slping, but yes, I TOTALLY LOVE THEM!

so despite the friggin migraine which refused to go away after all the panadols, coupled with the all-so-painful cramps, i had tons of fun bringing them to the playground, twice n no less. tt could well be more than the number i visited the playground in any one year.

well... things haven't been all tt fantastic recently but my heck care attitude is really getting a little out of proportion tt i really can't be bothered with most things of late.

so if u wanna call, i'll b more than happy, if not i m glad to save some battery.
if u wanna have breakfast, i'll gladly oblige, if not then good luck to my wallet n save some cash.
n the list goes, with the bad always comes the good n vice versa.

ps, not working is also not all tt fantastic since it means tt i no longer have income n i m missing all the good food already. :(

edited: fuck the damn bug. coupled with an emo song, i hardly have any more strength to resist it. how i wish i had the courage to walk away without inviting all the "disease" n irrationality.

I can't stay, yet I can't walk away.

kill me.

or at least, help me put an end....

i m more than almost happy~

2008-09-08T20:50:00.003+08:00

i've been a good girl practising my travelling turn whenever i wanna go from the recept to office and back. it's nt supposed to b star-inducing but i still get the giddy spells nonetheless, most prob due to my lousy spotting skills.

salsa is a good lot of fun, in ULTRA starking contrast to how i first felt when i joined the club (it really felt like line dancing btw). so goodbye B1 n HELLO B2~

sch is starting next week n the mugging mood is back in full force, esp aft my stupid fren got like full marks for math. so kudos to MONDAYlast n bon voyage to the last sail!

super tempted to use my new organiser...

skoooL

2008-09-02T22:13:00.003+08:00

i almost thought today was MONDAY with the extra strong dosage of blues. but alas, it's only TUESDAY. not MONDAYlast but TUESDAY (no last).

well, i might not b "worker of the year/century" but i dun think i deserve all this crappy (a.k.a lazy/selfish) ppl anymore. it'll take days before i finish the story but i hope it'll more than cover for my share of un-nice ppl in this lifetime.

TUESDAY BLUES is definitely making this countdown tougher than wat i tot it would be.

results are alright though all r below expectations cept for poa (which i had super low hopes for so yups).

living.breathing.

2008-08-31T12:19:00.002+08:00

it's another frustrating weekend, but i guess i m getting used to it. wat more can i ask when i have nth to give?

this kinda frustration reminds me of another nagging irritation i felt recently. in the 1st place, i m nv one who is fond of finding out things thru 3rd parties. but then again, the new mentality i m adopting now allows for laidback reception.

btw my bro broke his finger last night, so we went to the clinic at 11pm which was eventually referred to SGH's A & E. i tell u, he was more concerned abt his lack of slp than his broken finger till the doc mentioned a "SCREW" and "MICROSURGERY". his face immed turned pale as he recalled his wrist operation last yr. n it was the same arm no less.

results shld b out next week. a little stressed, esp the worry for POA is crazy. but i shall try to apply my heck care attitude to it too.

oh yes, i m learning to eat my carrots now.

anddd, i can't believe X is in the hall pageant.
despite the urge to spread, i shall respect his wishes till he's ready to annouce.

GOOD LUCK BOY!!!

snippets

2008-08-26T20:36:00.007+08:00

ed complained how he always visit my blog only to realise there is NO update. again. my apologies to all darlings who visit regularly but i really dun even have time to sleep. so wat i did was to try to take as many pictures n to write down wat i did most of the time so i can rattle off once i even have time beyond email checking.

c, tt's my current love which i have been lugging everywhere. i spent 200 bucks just like tt out of emo-ism.

n this is wat's i've been doing in the remaining days of my job at the current workplace. check out the before n aft images of using BRASSO.

the interesting belly dance @ blue jazz cafe with UPS performance from KYOKO!!!

lastly, celebrated 0+1's bday over the weekend. mahjong soon!

so basically tt's part of the stuffs i've been up to these days. it has been 9weeks since i started on this job, 3weeks more to go with an uber packed schedule next week. top it up with skates coaching class on mon n wed, dance on thurs plus various promoter jobs over the weekends n the occasional mj sessions.

tt's y i dun get enough slp on most days. oh ya, n entertain my scandals n scandal*.

My new toy...

2008-08-18T16:42:00.000+08:00

Hi everybody... I'm bored at work so i'm here to brag abt my new toy which i love super loads n is really pretty... I tell u, i bet it's duper ex to blog like this but i think it's uber cool... Shall post pics of my new love when i'm free-er...

losing rationality.

2008-08-17T13:33:00.003+08:00

sitting at the computer desk, all i feel now is nausea and wat feels like gastric and cramps. having had to rush down to work yest for a last min guest, i ended up nt even eating a proper meal the whole of yest, nt tt i had much of an appetite anyway.

so i woke up this morning, more depressed than yest, i was overcomed by the urge to do just the opposite of yest. BINGE. tt's wat i did, like some disgusting show, i shoved heaps of noodles into a humongous soup bowl n began stuffing it in huge portions into my mouth all the while shuddering at the act i was engaging.

next up on the list, i m gonna spend tons of money. n if i m still in the mood, mayb i will go for beancurd n fritters.

bye for now while i go soak in my emo-ness.

fuck it, FUCK.

show me the money~

2008-08-10T21:23:00.002+08:00

after an invasion of tons of entries last month, it seems odd to nt to fill the hiatus. but pardon me as my week is filled with tons of aftwrk activities with few free weekends in between. plus the messy n complicated life of late which i m still trying to sort out having no clue as to if the obvious answer is the way to go.

anyway, it's always wonderful to spend a sunday mahjong-ing away. it's nt so much the money (since i always lose) but more of the company (cliche as it sounds). then again, with all the laughter and rolling on the floor, who needs to go for laughter camp? top it off with delicious UBI CHICKEN RICE (a staple of the ubi gang) to kick off each session.

well, though i shld have heed the sunday times' horoscope reading on gambling, i still gladly give up the entire sum of my allowance for all the fun and enjoyment we had. better still if i had won.

time to change my stinko bedsheets (n to retch over some disgusting conversations i overheard recently. LOL still as mean as ever, tt's me frens.)

THE "yesterdays"

2008-08-04T23:16:00.000+08:00

JAEWARE

2008-07-29T22:05:00.003+08:00

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